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pfft life has gotten back to insanity.
Still lonely for some stupid reason,
i'm trying to keep my grades up
i'm trying to keep the few friends i have
And I'm trying as hard as i can to be unaffected by that damaging emotion i have grown to despise... Affection

Why i hate it? It lead me down roads i wont travel again, and it dragged a s**t load of horrible timnes. it only added to the suffering i originally deal with.


This week has been better than i guess. i mean, i invented a new swordsmanship style for myself, it will actually work until i can find somewhere i can study in another style. This swordsmanship is my 1 form of exercise. i don't play sports or anything, just this. i wish i had a sparring buddy, you know to train against.

of course i am in a situation where all hell is about to break loose. yet i cant tell anything about it in my journal since it's pulic.


all i can say is this:
i cant sleep
i cant eat
i cant communicate
i cant do much of anything..

I guess suffering has taken a liking to me. whenever i get out of one mess i'm neck deep in another. and for me there aren't too many compliments in anything.

oh well I guess I'm just gonna keep pushing through. if I get through this hell my life is bound to get better right?