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Madman's Ramblings
Well i guess all i'm going to write in here is scripts involving me and my friends, otherwise that's about it.
MadHouse Episode 10 *Warning, angry monkeys ahead*
*The scene opens up to the early morning in the boys sleeping wing, all doors are closed, except for Carter’s which has just open, revealing an incredibly dishevelled
Carter, who slowly drags his feet down the hallway, barely any sign of life are visible in his eyes*
Carter: dam..........donkey.............Pitchfork.........Black Wiimote........
*Suddenly at the end of the hall, the door to Andrew’s room is flung open and Andrew comes flying out of it, doing a few back handsprings, a back flip, lands, rolls, and then slouches beside Carter, both of them shuffling down the hall*
Carter: you seem awake.
Andrew: actually I’m really tired, with all that Santa stuff going on yesterday.
Carter: well it’s your fault you didn’t have to shoot him down a second time.
Andrew: but he forgot his milk and cookies
Carter: I think he just wanted to get away as fast as possible.
Andrew: the possibility of him possibly trying to escape in the most possible manner is quite possible.
Carter: let’s just get downstairs so I can make chef get me some tucker.
Andrew: hey, there’s nothing wrong with your weight man, no need to take a risky operation like that.
Carter: Tucker......as in food........God you’re an idiot.
Andrew: you shouldn’t call god an idiot.
Carter: *lets his mouth hang open for a moment* I can’t tell if your being serious or not, sometimes I wonder how you can manage to build a missile from candy canes, egg nog, and tinsel, but be a moron at the same time
Andrew: Hey that wasn’t very kind.
*They continue walking down the hallway, while holding an epic slap fight, as well as grabbing everything around them to beat each other with, unfortunately they were both unprepared for the devious trap that had been already set for them, as they entered a long hallway, a massive metal door closed behind them, blocking their only escape*
Carter: What the crap dude, why’d you go and build a massive metal door like that, what if someone got caught in it?
Andrew: hmm, funny thing is I don’t remember building that.
Carter: and that would be that useless mind wiping invention you made coming into effect again.
Andrew: Hey its not useless, it works like a charm.........on me, BUT THATS NOT THE POINT, if it had been used on me I would have a faint déjà vu, of building that, and after someone had said I’d built it, the memories would have come back to me.
Carter: Wait so if you didn’t build it then who did?
*They both turn down the hallway to see Will standing beside a table with a fan and an extremely peeved looking monkey sitting on it*
Andrew: Mr............... Bubbles?
*down in the lounge area Jill, Rygeor, and Alexandra are all sitting on various loungers, each reading a book, on further inspection, on could see that Jill’s book is on robots customization for military purposes, Rygeor’s on 1000 ways to enjoy blood, a Dracula special, and Alexandra’s is on gay ponies in a gay world-*
Alexandra: *in a slightly manly tone* HEY WRITER DON’T YOU DARE DISS MY PONIES, GOT THAT SHITHEAD!!!!
*-ahem, I mean an intriguing novel based upon brilliant ponies found in a world of magical wonders and delights*
Alexandra: *in a much sweeter tone* now, isn’t that much better.
*She looks over to Jill and Rygeor, who both look at her in total shock*
Alexandra: what?
Jill: I can’t put my finger on you?
*The camera turns to Rygeor who is sitting with his entire body upside down, his feet up on the headrest, and his head nearly touching the floor*
Rygeor: I’d try but you’d probably snap it off and eat it with all your ponies.
Alexandra: *in a cute and harmless tone* your damn right I would b***h.
Rygeor: You are one scary sista.
*They return to their adventures through literature in its many intriguing (and gay) forms. A few minutes later one of the walls to the lounge area is blown to smithereens, however they all continue to read their books*
Rygeor: Hey Jill what time is it?
Jill: about 9:00am
Rygeor: hmm bit early, but Andrew must be testing out some explosives or something.
* Suddenly through the clearing smoke a multitude of metallic mechanical militiamen, march in a most manly manner into the mostly mutilated multi-purpose room.*
Rygeor: ...............and testing out his army of manly militia- OK I AM NOT GOING TO REPEAT THAT!!
*Suddenly on what appears to be a floating platform, Chef and Chris zoom into the room, hovering above the wreckage below, holding a remote controller in each hand**
Rygeor: Ok I’m out of excuses, EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!!
*Jill dives forward and turns a coffee table on its side as Rygeor and Alexandra, roll in behind it, at that moments chef and Chris press clearly marked buttons that say fire, allowing the mechanical whatevers to open fire*
Jill: Hey find your own spot you two, this is my hiding place*
Rygeor: do you see any other bulletproof furniture in the area?
Jill: how’d you know its bullet proof?
Rygeor: Well.......*flashback*
*The scene shows Rygeor sitting on the couch when Andrew drops down from the ceiling and lands on the coffee table, then rolls off it and stares at Rygeor*
Andrew: That’s bulletproof.
Rygeor: ah.......
*end of transmission*
Jill: THAT WAS THE WORST FLASH BACK IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!!
Rygeor: Well there was this other time.......*the screen begins to waver, but the Jill slaps Rygeor*
Rygeor: WHAT THE HELL, YOU DON’T MESS WITH A MAN WHEN HE’S HAVIN’ A FLASHBACK!!!
Jill: DO I NEED TO REMIND YOU WE’RE IN A WARZONE RIGHT NOW!!
Rygeor: Oh ya forgot about that......so what’re we up against.
*The platform Chris and Chef are on floats over so that the cornered contestants are directly in their line of sight*
Chris: Oh I’ll tell you what you’re up against kiddies, your going against an army of over 10,000 robotic terminators created by your in-house retard-
Alexandra: -hey that’s not nice don’t call David a retard, he’s actually kinda sweet-
Chris:-I wasn’t, I was talking about Andrew.......but I’ll tell David that anyways, these babies only follow commands from us and by the end of today, NO MORE CONTESTANTS WOO HOO.
Rygeor: Dam I didn’t want it to come out this early.
Alexandra: oh don’t worry I don’t think anyone will see it; it’s probably too small to see with the naked eye anyways.
Rygeor: *stares at Alexandra for a few moments* you are never going to let me live that fight down will you.....
Alexandra: when pigs fly, and I mean by themselves not through means of medieval siege weaponry.
Rygeor: whatever you say.
Alexandra: Oh and David and Andrew can’t help either.
Rygeor: DAMMIT.......
Jill: So what else did you not want to come out besides your insignificant male appendage?
Rygeor: Guh.......well I don’t really like to talk about it but I’m a –

*Back in the hallway with Andrew, Will, Carter, and the Monkey*
Carter: Mr. bubbles, we’re being threatened by a monkey named Mr. Bubbles.
*suddenly Mr. Bubbles pulls out a machine pistol and fires off a few rounds at Carter, who barely manages to dodge*
Andrew: No Mr. Bubbles is no ordinary Chimpanzee, he’s my mentor.
Carter: *while getting back up* HE’S YOUR WHAT!!!!
Andrew: He taught me everything I know, from how to dismantle an atomic bomb, then put it back together, how to enjoy the simple things like a California sunset, to how to pick ticks out of my own hair and eat them for nourishment.
Carter: you don’t actually eat them do you........?
Andrew: beats vitamins, their choc full of em.
Carter: ewwwwwwwww.
*Looking down the hallway Carter observes as the monkey pulls out a top hat and a monocle from behind the table, dons them and then retrieves a cup of tea from one of the drawers*
Mr. Bubbles: *In a British accent* Ah good day to you Andrew you sly fox you, thought you could lose me that day in Buckingham palace did you?
Andrew: * In a British accent* Well a chap can only try his best, how long has it been now 20 days since we last had a chat, I do admit I’m a tad confounded upon how you managed to re-establish my location?
Mr. Bubbles: *In a British accent* I daresay it was no small feat my boy, do you know how difficult it was for me to locate where a bloke like you were in the world, I tell you, Scotland yard would have an easier time finding the 3rd street ripper oh ho ho yes.
*The two Brits throw back their heads and let out a good scoff*
Carter: THE ******** ARE YOU GUYS SAYING!!
Andrew: *turns to Carter* we’re having a serious discussion here, srsly *turns back to Bubbles* so old friend what business brings you to this side of the world?
Mr. Bubbles: We’ll my old friend Will here said he needed a favour to be done, pertaining to a certain *turning to Will* Asshat mofo, who tried to step to you and has disrespected you like I disrespect women who’s skirts I can look under.
Andrew: Oh you sly dog you; so who’s this guy who disrespected will, I swear to god I’ll do everything in my power to bring Will’s respect back.
Will: Its carter.
Andrew: THAT SON OF A- hey wait a minute.........
*Andrew turns to Carter, who’s looks as puzzled as Andrew fells”
Andrew: So you stepped to Will.........You........the guy who sleeps with a teddy bear
Carter: I DON’T SLEEP WITH A FREAKIN’ BEAR
Andrew: Then what’s that in your hand?
*Carter looks down a the teddy bear in his hand quickly turns, throws it down the hallway, only to have it bounce off the retaining wall and hit him in the face*
Carter: OK FINE.........I sleep with a teddy bear.
Andrew: Now was that so hard?
Carter:........more than you could believe.
Mr. Bubbles: Can we get back to the topic a hand chaps, its nearly time for breaky and tea and I do tend to get cranky when I miss it.
Andrew: Ya so what did you do to Will?
Carter: I have no freakin idea, HEY WILL WHAT DID I DO TO YOU.
Will: You dared to eat a snickers bar in my presence.
Carter: What the hell are you talking about, when did this happen.
Will: Yesterday at 8:59 Pm
Carter: wait a minute......but that’s when I
Will: I know
Carter: With the dove and the postcard.......
Will: As well as the pencil sharpener, yes I know
Carter: and I only stopped for a second to take a bite.....wait.....WERE YOU WATCHING ME!
Will: I was reading a book on the ceiling, when my snickers sense went off and I spotted you committing hearsay in front of my very eyes, while in a samurai suit.
Andrew: What we’re you doing last night
Carter: Well I was-
Andrew: Scratch that I don’t want to know, but seriously is this really all about a snickers bar?
Mr. Bubbles: So you had me take the red eye over from my lovely little cottage in Liverpool to this god damned cold continent, all over a snickers bar.
Will: do I have to remind you how you owe me with that whole isle 9 issue.
Mr. Bubbles: I THOUGHT WE WE’RE NEVER TO SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN.
Will: fine but you owe me big time.
Mr. Bubbles: Fine, fine *pulls out a revolver and levels it towards Carter* so my boy how do you plan to deal with this situation?

*Back in the now demolished lounge room*
Rygeor: WAIT YOU GUYS ALREADY KNOW
Alexandra: Ya its kinda obvious, you keep vampire bats as pets...
Jill: and your room has absolutely no way for sunlight to enter it.......
Alexandra: And your really pale........
Jill: and you also tried to drink my blood the other day, in which I snapped your neck, only to watch you snap it back into place......
Rygeor: ah...........so you guys know I’m a vampire......
Alex & Jill: NO s**t SHERLOCK!!
Rygeor: Hey don’t diss Sherlock, I knew that dude he was awesome.
Jill: Wasn’t he a fictional character?
Rygeor: that’s what Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, wanted everyone too think.
Alexandra: wow..........was he really a douche or was that just how the movie depicted him?
Rygeor: No, he was a douche, still owes me $5 for that bet on the butler doing it too.
*Over on the floating platform Chris is furiously jumping up and down yelling at the contestants*
Chris: ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY IGNORING ME, SCREW IT, CHEF LETS GET THEM!!
*Both chef and Chris press the buttons on their controllers marked kill, and all the terminators begin to march towards the small coffee table fortress of the 3 contestants*
Alexandra: OH MY GOD I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!!!
*Alexandra curls up behind the table and begins to suck her thumb vigorously, clearly in her happy place*
Rygeor: *starring at Alexandra* welp, she’s gone guess were on our own, how many do you think you can take?
Jill: depends how many can you take?
Rygeor: probably half of them, why?
Jill: cause I’ll take the rest of them.
*Jill then walked out from behind the cover and directly into the maelstrom of bullets*
Rygeor: *starring in horror* oh s**t, things just got funky.......
Alexandra: *removes her thumb momentarily* you did not just say funky.....
Rygeor: nooooo...................
Alexandra: Good *returning her thumb to her mouth*

*Back with the bubbles conspiracy*
*Andrew steps in the line of fire between Mr. Bubbles, and Carter*
Andrew: I can’t let you do that starf- I mean Mr. Bubbles.
Mr. Bubbles: you think I was going to use something as simple as a gun to kill him, oh ho ho no, my dear chap, I’ve got something much worse in store.
Andrew: You don’t mean, no you wouldn’t, I’d be caught in the line of fire as well.
Carter: you just stepped in front of a gun, what in the world could possibly be worse than that?
Andrew: You don’t know Mr. Bubbles like I do, he has done things that could kill a man from just hearing about them.
Carter: wait.......how would that work?
Andrew: I don’t know it just makes their head go boom.
Mr. Bubbles: Yes quite, anyways back to business, tea time is at 12:00 sharp and I really do hate to miss it.
*Mr. Bubbles switches on the fan next to him. As it begins to pick up speed, he reaches behind his back and pulls out something so horrible that the cameraman had to censor it immediately for fear that the camera would be unable to handle the pure evil that was contained in the monkey’s hand*
Carter: *Eyes widening* no......
Andrew: Oh yes, shits about to hit the fan.
*Back in the lovely- I mean horribly disfigured lounge area*
Rygeor: DAMMIT JILL NO!
*Rygeor rolls out from cover, and using his hyper speed vampire running ability, runs at Jill, tackles her to the side, lying on top of her in order to protect her from the bullets*
Jill: *shouting over the gunfire* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING.
Chris: *from his floating platform* YA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, WE WERE ABOUT TO CAP THAT HATER.
Chef: Chris, dude......your white.....
Chris: So?
Chef: Just never say that again.
Rygeor: GOD DAMMIT I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!
Jill: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
*suddenly a robot peers over their cover, aiming its machine gun at the two, Jill acting fast, raises her arm, which suddenly morphs into a Gatling gun, and blows to robots head off*
Rygeor: A durrrrrrrr
Chris: A durrrrrrrr
Chef: A durrrrrrrr
Jill: And just when you thought you knew me too.
*back at the other place*
Carter: Wait so he’s going to throw s**t at us.
Andrew: You don’t understand, Mr. Bubbles is a duke of London.
Carter: Which means?
Andrew: That one, by hitting us with his s**t we will be rendered among the lowest of the low, and two he’s allowed to drive around in an orange muscle car yelling like a hillbilly.
*Andrew looks up at the ceiling, and the screen begins to fade into a flashback*
*the Queen of England’s carriage roles up in front of a fish and chip stall with a flatbed tow truck parked behind it*
Queen: Now wait here Charles, momzies going to go and fetch us some good old fish and chip, then we can enjoy them in merriment among the massive monetary magnitude of our magnificent monarchical masterpiece of a home.
*Suddenly from down road an orange mini cooper comes hurtling over the hill, hits the lowered flatbed truck and flies over the Queen’s carriage, Andrew can be seen driving while Mr. Bubbles hoots and hollers at the royal pedestrians below, they then crash into the antique shop across the street*
Charles: I dare say mumzie, do you think we should help those chaps?
Queen: You choose, Charles, Chips or chaps?
Charles: Chips it is mumzie.
*The flashback fades out and Andrew looks back at carter*
Carter: You jumped the Queen of England’s carriage.....
Andrew: Yup
Carter: When did you do this again?
Andrew: About 20 days ago, then I had to sneak out of England to make sure that I could get on this show.
Carter: Wait so your going to hit the guy who’s good friends with you, with your own s**t.......*Carter looks over at Mr. Bubbles, who I currently starring up at the ceiling, the censored blob dripping censored out of his hand, suddenly he shakes his head and looks at carter*
Mr. Bubbles: sorry about that my dear boy, flashback and all that, my minds a bit old so mine need a bit of buffering .
Carter: Your flashbacks have loading screens.........
Mr. Bubbles: Don’t every bodies?
Carter: *sigh* you know what screw it, hit me with the s**t, after being on this show how much worse can my rep get.......
Mr. Bubbles: Ok then, are you ready for your revenge wil-*Bubbles looks over at will who’s looking up at the ceiling as well, after a few moments he looks back down to find everyone is starring at him*
Will: What?
Mr. Bubbles: Flashback?
Will: Ya to that time I ate a snicker’s bar.
Carter: You eat a snickers bar every five seconds.....
Will: *with a snickers bar in his mouth* it was a montage.
Carter: Ah
Mr. Bubbles: Shall I will?
Will: Yes........FIRE ZE s**t!!!
*Mr. Bubbles flings the censored blob into the fan, which causes it to spray not onto Carter and Andrew, but onto Will and Bubbles himself*
Will:........Well F$&K
Mr. Bubbles: Well screw this chaps * jumps down from the table* I’m getting the hell out of here, see you later Andrew.
Andrew: *bangs his chest twice* PEACE!
Carter: Well then.......... Buy you a snickers bar to call a truce?
Will: DEAL!
*back in the lounge room*
Rygeor: YOUR A-
Jill: yup
Rygeor: AND YOU CAN-
Jill: uh huh
Rygeor: WITH BOTH HANDS-
Jill: Actually my whole body-
Rygeor: that would explain how you killed smith so easily.
Jill: Turned my hand into a spear and then pulled out his heart.
Rygeor: Wait just so we’re clear and that no one gets any weird thought you a robot that can morph parts right?
Jill: Ya what else would I be.
*They both turn to see Alexandra peering over the coffee table, eyes shining with excitement*
Alexandra: Your a mighty morphing power ranger
Jill: No I’m a robot.......
Alexandra: Don’t kill my dreams...........
Jill: Ok then back to business, one get the hell off me.
*The scene zooms out to show Rygeor lying on top of Jill in a way that could be only expected of a couple*
Rygeor: Right sorry, tried to protect you but apparently bullets can’t kill you........so ya....
Jill: Dam right the-wait you tried to protect me......that’s kinda sweet......
*They both turn back to Alexandra who is once again shining with glee*
Alexandra: its like a love story on the battle field, *sigh*, soooooo romantic.
*Rygeor blushes and looks at his feet while Jill smiles and looks away*
*Over on the platform*
Chris: GOD FREAKING DAMMIT THEY’RE STANDING RIGHT THERE AND A SINGLE BULLET HASN’T HIT THEM YET!!!
Chef: Uh dude that because we fired all our rounds off at them while they were hiding behind the coffee table, which is strangely resilient to bullets.
Chris: That’s cause its bulletproof.
*The scene shows Chris sitting on a couch when Andrew drops down from the ceiling and lands on the coffee table, then rolls off it and stares at Rygeor*
Andrew: That’s bulletproof.
Chris: ah.......
*end of transmission x 2*
Chef: So you knew it was bulletproof.
Chris: Yup
Chef: but you let us fire all the rounds at them anyways.....
Chris:........DAMMIT DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!
Jill: Ah but we did
*The two on the platform turn to see Jill and Rygeor stepping out from behind their cover.....of love*
Chris: Ok so what, they regenerate bullets every 30 seconds, that means in 10 seconds we can shoot again.
Jill: Psh 10 seconds is plenty of time, ready Rygeor.
Rygeor: Yup
*Jill holds out both of her hands, which transform into whip like swords and begins slicing robots close to and far away from her, to bits. While this is going on, Rygeor has pulled out a strange black cane with a blood red ruby encrusted upon it, that upon closer inspection has nano splicing blades that extend from the tip and sides of it, using it to lay waste to any and all robots that he can reach*
10-10,000 robots
*Chris and Chef stare in total shock*
Chris: WHEN WERE THEY THIS GOOD.
Chef: HELL IF I KNOW
9-6,395 robots
Chef: WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!
Chris: LIKE WHAT YOU GONA FIGHT THOSE MONSTERS!!
8- 3,845robots
Rygeor: *slices through 10 robots* wow these guys aren’t so tough when they’re outta bullets
Alexandra: *blasting a bunch of robots into nothingness* your right, but that was a horrible, horrible movie reference.
7-0 robots
*Rygeor and Jill look around them to find that there are no robots left to oppose them, they both look at Chef and Chris who are holding each other and shaking violently, an evil mischievous aura can almost be seen emanating from Rygeor and Jill*
6
Chef: Chris before we die man I gotta tell you something.
Chris: Say that you love me and I’ll throw you at them.
Chef: oh.......
5
*Rygeor runs toward the platform, jumps over it and then kicks it towards Jill*
4
*Jill turns her hands into a massive hammer which she uses to smash the platform, and send Chris and Chef flying out of a hole in the wall*
3
Chris: *flying through the air* you know what this isn’t so bad compared to the other stuff we’ve been put through.
Chef: *flying right beside Chris* It’s probably gonna hurt when we land but whatever.
Chris & Chef: Looks like we’re blasting off aga- *they go flying into a wall* GUH!
2
Rygeor: *dusting himself off* well looks like those two won’t be back for a while.
*he turns to see Jill marching towards him, with Alexandra standing over at the side, the excitement almost radiating off of her face*
1
*Jill grabs Rygeor’s face and the kisses him right there amidst the wreckage of the lounge area*
*onto the other plot of this weeks episode*
Carter: wonder why the fan didn’t work.
Will: *eating a snickers bar* oh that’s because it was on reverse.
Carter: And you didn’t bother to switch it.
Will: Didn’t cross my mind.
*Carter and Will turn into the lounge room only to find that it had been completely totalled, with Alexandra standing in the middle of it starring at the far side of the room*
Will: Oh dam.
Carter: Hey Alexandra, what happened in here?
*Without saying a single word, Alexandra pointed to the far side of the room, Carter and Will following her finger until the scene they saw made them double back in shock*
Will: HOLY SWEET JESUS-
Carter: -OF PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
* Over by one of the holes in the wall Rygeor and Jill are standing there, making out like there’s no tomorrow*
Carter: This is sooooo wrong.
Will: are they sharing a snickers or something.
Alexandra: *sigh* ah love, she comes in the strangest of forms.
*Suddenly Andrew drops down from the ceiling and lands on the coffee table, rolls off of it and then stares at everyone around it*
Andrew: *pointing at the table* that’s bullet proof.
*Will, Carter and Alexandra all point over at Rygeor and Jill*
Andrew: *looking over* what are you guys pointing a- OH SWEET JESUS IN A PEANUT.

*SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATERS*


*Bonus Material*
*The scene opens to complete blackness, suddenly a spotlight opens up and shines down on a man sitting in a high backed executive chair, wearing a tuxedo, his face not visible to the viewers*
???: Hello you all know me as the faceless man working in the background to bring MadHouse to you week after week, to those of you who have an the deductive abilities of Will or Andrew, yes I am the writer.
Writer: now at the beginning of this episode you may have noticed how Carter mentioned Santa being shot down a second, but clearly in the last episode he was only shot down once, the following is the events that pertained after the first crash.

*Down in the lounge area, Christmas festivities are in full swing, Andrew, Will, Carter, Rygeor, Alexandra, Smith, Andre, Mika and James are all playing with their toys while Chris, Chef David, and Jill all sit around reading books and watch the festivities*
Chris: *grumble* I can’t believe he gave me coal.
Jill: I’m not
Chris: YOU KILLED A PERSON!!
Jill: He’s alive again, and you tried to kill all of us....
Chris: Ok fine.
David: Oh look at that *pointing at the coffee table*, Santa forgot to eat his milk and cookies.
*Suddenly Andrew and Will both looked up, completely stone-faced*
Chef: I don’t think he’ll mind, he’s gotta be eating at least a million cookies by the end of tonight.
Loyde: Hey were did Will and Andrew go?
Alfred: Would you like me to tell you sir?
Loyde: Wait lemme guess *looks over to where the cookies and milk were located to find they’ve disappeared* they went up to the roof again didn’t they.
Alfred: yes, and they are planning to fire a class one nuke at his sleigh this time.
Loyde: HOLY SWEET BABY JESUS, STOP THEM!!!
Rygeor: TO THE ROOF, AGAIN!!
*Everyone makes another mad dash for the roof using their own methods, Greg uses his bats to fly up to the roof, Carter runs up the nearest stair case alongside Chef, Chris, Alexandra, and Smith, Loyde has Alfred transform into a jet pack, Jill climbs up the side of the house, Mr.C uses the C copter, and James and David take the elevator, they all make it at the exact same time*
*upon making it to the roof they all look to see Andrew and Will wearing aviator shades and standing beside a massive candy cane striped missile, on the side of the missile a warning states “do not fire this missile without the permission of the US government, seriously, this s**t’s explosive”, also along the side of the missile “The JOLLYMAKER 2.0” is clearly visible*
Loyde: OH NO NOT AGAIN
*Loyde has Alfred transform into a grappling claw and grabs the back end of the missile, on contact with the missile, Andrew and Will turn around, crazy eyed, and karate chop Alfred off*
Loyde: HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KARATE CHOP METAL!!!
Will: FIRE ZE s**t!!
Andrew: FIRING ZE s**t.
* Andrew pulls a quite large and unnecessary lever, which ignites the “jolly maker” 2.0, sending it straight towards that jolly soul we all love*
*seconds before impact Santa turns around and performs a double take of pure horror*
Santa: ......looks like I’m going to be jingling all the way home tonight.....
*BOOM*
*On the roof of the MadHouse everyone stood there in total shock as they once again watched Santa, his sleigh, and all his helpers and reindeer, go hurtling towards earth..... AGAIN!!*
*Alexandra jumps on Andrew’s back and puts him in a sleeper hold*
Alexandra: WHY DO YOU HATE SANTA!!!
Andrew: CAN’T *GASP* BREATH.
Alexandra: Whoops sorry, idiot gag reflex
Rygeor: ok seriously what is with you?
Alexandra: WHAT YOU SAYIN SOMETHIN’S WRONG WICH ME?
Rygeor: yes
*Alexandra backhands Rygeor off the roof, everyone watches as he sails through the air in complete shock and then plummets to the ground*
Jill: *not paying attention to Rygeor* uh guys, you may want to do something about Santa.
Andrew: *recovering from the sleeper hold* oh don’t worry me and David will just fix everything up.
Jill: and if there’s nothing to fix?
Andrew: Wait what are you talking abo-*looks over at the sleigh wreckage, still in mid air, then follows Jill's directions* ah I see what you mean.
Loyde: WHAT!
Andrew: He’s going to land on the rollercoaster.
Loyde: oh well that isn’t so bad.
Andrew: no not the track itself, I mean he’s gonna land in the pit of death.
Loyde: PIT OF WHAT!!
Andrew: Pit of death, its a bottomless pit me and David recently added it in hopes of sending Chris and Chef down it.
Chris & Chef: HEY!!!
Andrew: but we decided not to, instead we just threw stuff in it until we got bored.
Loyde: Well that isn’t so bad.
David: No you don’t understand, me and Andrew half assed it so the pit on goes down 20 meters.
Loyde: Well that isn’t bad at all, what’s there to worry about?
Andrew: oh it’s not the pit itself but what we threw in.
Loyde: oh god......
David: Remember the Hydra, ya turns out it didn’t actually die-
Andrew: -ya that thing is bloody resilient, I freakin' splatter everywhere and it keeps going-
David: -anyways I had it in storage and since we had this deep pit, I decided to throw it in there, since it at almost everything in storage.
Loyde: So the Hydra’s in the put right now
Andrew: Yup
Loyde: and Santa’s about to fall into that pit
David: Yup
Loyde: And Andrew and will are the cause of it
David: Yup
*Off to the side Andrew and Will are striking heroic poses out onto the scene of destruction, their clothes shed a long time ago*
Loyde: OH SHEET EVERYONE SAVE SANTA.
*Alexandra walks up behind Will and Andrew, and blindsides them with a shovel*
Alexandra: YOU TWO HELP SAVE HIS a** AS WELL, IF SANTA DIES, YOU WILL NOT LIKE TO FIND OUT WHAT I’M GONNA DO TO YOU IN THE MORNING.
*quickly donning their clothing, they go to help*
Will: You know what I just realised......
Carter: What?
Will: Santa’s really far away......
Carter: So?
Will: We have to get Andrew and David onto that sleigh or Santa’s gonna be Hydra chow.
*off to the side Andrew is sitting in the thinker’s position and constantly tapping his head with his finger*
Andrew: think.....think......think......AHA I GOT IT.
*Andrew quickly rushed over to the group and explained his idea*
Loyde: YOU’RE MAD!!!
Andrew: I have a certificate if you wanna see it?
Loyde: For being crazy?
Andrew: Ya it’s in my bedroom.
Loyde: That would explain why I haven’t seen it.
David: Actually the retards plan might work.
Andrew: Why thank yo-........hey........
Loyde: Well, ok then, lets go guys operation: completely stupid plan that has a chance in 0 of working GO!
*Loyde turned on his heel walked to the edge of the roof and snapped his fingers*
Loyde: Alfred, long range projectile mode, now!
Alfred: right away sir.
*Alfred melds his body into a modern version of a trebuchet, aimed directly at the falling sleigh*
Loyde: ALL ABOARD.
*first smith climbs into the cradle of the trebuchet being the strongest person there, on his shoulders is Rygeor, who recently got back up on the roof again, on top of him, Will, and on top of them all, Andrew giving David a piggy back*
Smith: Ok now that we’re actually doing this I’m kind of not liking the idea.
Rygeor: Ya me too, who volunteered me anyways?
Loyde: YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE INVALID, FIRE THE TOTEM SHOT!!
*The Alfredchet flips all 5 guys up and towards the sleigh, all of them screaming*
David: I SWEAR TO GOD ANDREW, IF WE DIE, I WILL KILL YOU.
Andrew: WHAT?
David: I SAID-
Smith: FIRING ROUND ONE!
*Smith lets go of Rygeor’s legs and performs a double drop kick into his a**, propelling the group even further*
Rygeor: HOLY CRAP THAT HURT.
*Smith hits the ground creating a crater of snow around him*
Smith: OH SHUT IT AND SAVE SANTA.
Rygeor: FIRING ROUND TWO!
*Rygeor winds up a punch, as he releases it, a wave of bats rush out and extra fore to his punch by colliding with the soles of Will’s feet*
Will: Andrew, I have one final request.
Andrew: What is it?
Will: If you can’t save Santa, at least save the snickers bars in his sleigh.
Andrew: Will do, Will.
Will: FIRING ROUND THREE!!
*From within the folds of his coat, Will produces a massive blade, which he the n fold out into a massive 4 point shuriken*
Will: Wind style: TORNADO WAVE
*Spinning the massive shuriken at high speeds, Will sends Andrew and David, flying towards the sleigh*.
David: CRAP!
Andrew: What?
David: WE’RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
Andrew: NONSENSE, GEAR RELEASE!
*suddenly steam begins to pour out of Andrew’s body*.
Andrew: JET RUN!!
*By kicking the air around him, Andrew manages to propel David and himself onto the sleigh*
David: Holy s**t we made it.
Andrew: Was there ever any doubt?
David: Well yes actually.
*they both look down to see a battered Santa cowering in fear*
Santa: Why can’t you leave me alone.
Andrew: You forgot your milk and cookies.
Santa: BY GOD I DID, THE RESULTS OF THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN CATASTROPHIC!!
David: *sweatdrop* seriously.
Santa: BUT OF COURSE, WITHOUT THE HEALTHY DOSE OF COOKIES, I WOULD LOSE A POUND AND THATS A POUND OF JOLLY LOST TO THE WORLD!!
Andrew: Okay lets fix this thing
*Andrew and David quickly go about the sleigh fixing, and through David’s maniacal process, bringing the reindeers back to life*
Andrew: Ok Santa take her away.
Santa: Of course; on dancer, on dasher on –
David: The abridged version please.
Santa: Oh ok, GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!
*The sleigh pulls up just in time to avoid the hundreds of snake like heads that lash out from the pit, missing the jolly sleigh by mere inches*
Santa: Well boys you’ve gone and done it again, you’ve saved Christmas.
Andrew: aw shucks, it was nothing.
David: never say that again.
Santa: and to thank you I’d like to give you this.
*Santa kicks both David and Andrew out the side of the sleigh*
Santa: A boot to the coot and a MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!!
David: HOLY s**t HE’S HOMICIDAL.
Andrew: *falling head first towards the ground* well dam
David: what?
Andrew: I just realised I never gave him next years list......
David: after you save us, I’m gonna cause severe trauma to you.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS......seriously stop reading you guys need to go do something else, you just read 14 pages of dialog written by some guy who’s half asleep most of the time.........





 
 
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