|
|
|
yeah. :/
hmm i feel detached, i mean kinda liek i'm here, but not. liek.. i dunno how to explain it, and seeing as i'm nto that good at expressing myself, it's to be expected. but i mean. i feel distant from everyone. in a literal and figurative sence. think about it. where are all my really good friends? jo's there, but not there at the same time, she keeps making plans and breaking them 'cause she's tired [which i understand, but it's just... annoying? but not at the same time becaus ei do the same thing.] and rikki, well, i just get the feeling she dosen't like me. i'm probably paranoied, and no offence, but it dosen't really bother me, actually i don't really notice, but it's just liek i'm suddenly below her or something. i dunno why. again, no offence to anyone reading this, i don't mean this in a negative way, i'm just thinking. but yeah, emily's still there, but she's just.. there. we don't talk as much as we used to, and we haven't seen each other since jo's party. skye's practically non-existant, i miss her, i mean, it really has been a while. thalia i saw today, and she hasn't changed at all. we have to talk more, but i guess she's there as much as ever even though we don't talk. and phill, well he's there, but i'm not sure why. i mena i know we're going out and all, but that's just a title. really, i think 'going out' with someone is just a load of crap. i mean so many kids are all obsessing over having a boyfriend/girlfriend and being all oh it's sssooo important, and i loooove him/her. it's retarded to put it bluntly. who cares? it's stupid and the only people saying that are the ones that really have to get a clue. It dosen't matter, you aren't better or worse becase you're 'dating'. And i see no point to it, it's supposed to be leading on into getting married and s**t, so why start now? I mean sure, this could sound stupid, but i don't care. If you go for soemthign stupid, and you end up really getting attached to that person it's nice, i mena i guess i can see something like.. i dunno, when you end up being with that person for a couple years or so. but casual dating now, i just see as stupid. Dunno why, but i like the idea of having someone you can tell anything that's your friend, but more-so. Make-out buddies are okay, but isn't liek.. [not to sound corny] something deeper what it's actually about? clear out all the ******** stereotypes and it's supposed to be that right? didn't mean to get off-topic, but there's a little sample of what's running through my head. a lot of stuff, people, and places. I just wanna take it all in and spew it all out. I don't want ill will, or agression, or tension, at least not now [cmpletely un-me , right?] but i just want things to go well for once. bye-bye anxiety, give me a week off or i fear my head may explode. halloween? who cares, i'd liek to spend it with a few friends, or maybe even my boyfriend, but everyone has different plans, and no one seems to know things. peopel are fighting, and i just feel distant, so i guess i'll be solo or just [for the first time] keep a low profile and sit at home watching gorey movies eating candy. but it might change. So keep in mind, there's no anger, there's nothing, i'm quite neutral, so don't take offence, please. i haven't told anyone anything, i haven't said anything about halloween besides that. and i'm not force-feeding my oppinions [other than dating]. i'm just saying what it says.
.!conoclast. · Tue Oct 17, 2006 @ 01:31am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|