its been a while since I've written anything in here and tbh, I've been thinking about it almost everyday.
what i need to write, what i should write, and just other stuff that i never get done.
to update on the justin situation (lol)
I've come to terms with the fact that i am envious of his and lex's new friendship "relationship"...
i used to like him, before i knew i was pregnant but something was off between us.
just not compatible. stare
but week(s?) have passed since our most recent fight and im honestly over all that.
its actually kinda funny now
lately, I've been feeling like my life choices has led me to a dead end.
i don't think ill ever be happy with jacob
we're just so different
something i should've seen years ago but he was my first ever boyfriend
and we were in looooove rolleyes
i actually knew this before i found out i was pregnant with his baby
(for a 3rd time... or 2nd... i actually don't know tbch)
we were even broken up a whole month (record breaking for our toxic asses) when i found out i was 8 weeks along.
i was over him and my life needed meaning... like.. desperately
just a week before i found out i was 8 weeks, i hit up a (now dead) friend of mine for heroin.
never done heroin, i was just over my life and didn't care where it went or what happened.
he was a good friend so he wouldn't get it to me.
but thats where my life was.
so to find out im carrying a new and pure life at the point where i was ready to give up...
i was just in love.
so i kept this baby that jacob wants me to abort.
is that selfish ?
this entry was not as organized and better written like i planned
but i kinda just wanted to make this so i can get my foot back in the door..
depression is swinging heavy the last couple days
which means it should lighten up in another day or 2.
it fluctuates like that.
I've never really been to a therapist that i would actually talk and open up to
but i feel ready.. something in my brain isn't going right
what i need to write, what i should write, and just other stuff that i never get done.
to update on the justin situation (lol)
I've come to terms with the fact that i am envious of his and lex's new friendship "relationship"...
i used to like him, before i knew i was pregnant but something was off between us.
just not compatible. stare
but week(s?) have passed since our most recent fight and im honestly over all that.
its actually kinda funny now
lately, I've been feeling like my life choices has led me to a dead end.
i don't think ill ever be happy with jacob
we're just so different
something i should've seen years ago but he was my first ever boyfriend
and we were in looooove rolleyes
i actually knew this before i found out i was pregnant with his baby
(for a 3rd time... or 2nd... i actually don't know tbch)
we were even broken up a whole month (record breaking for our toxic asses) when i found out i was 8 weeks along.
i was over him and my life needed meaning... like.. desperately
just a week before i found out i was 8 weeks, i hit up a (now dead) friend of mine for heroin.
never done heroin, i was just over my life and didn't care where it went or what happened.
he was a good friend so he wouldn't get it to me.
but thats where my life was.
so to find out im carrying a new and pure life at the point where i was ready to give up...
i was just in love.
so i kept this baby that jacob wants me to abort.
is that selfish ?
this entry was not as organized and better written like i planned
but i kinda just wanted to make this so i can get my foot back in the door..
depression is swinging heavy the last couple days
which means it should lighten up in another day or 2.
it fluctuates like that.
I've never really been to a therapist that i would actually talk and open up to
but i feel ready.. something in my brain isn't going right
