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burn this
man. I haven't posted in a while.
just gathering thoughts I guess
I also tend to write more on my bad days.... so I guess that means days have been looking up?
idk, not much for today though..

I went through Jacobs phone last night
[and if I'm being completely honest, idk if what I found just simply didn't bother me
or if there wasn't anything to even be bothered by in the first place.

well, first of all..
he still pays for porn
again, that's either
1. not that big of a deal
or 2. totally ******** up
but to be clear, I told him that it bothered me, and he should just watch porn for like.... FREE ?? lol..
I mean, he paid this one girl $100 !!!
totally nuts and over doing it

anyway, he knows I went through his phone.
I took screen shots of the things that bothered me and left them in his pictures.
part of me doesn't want to bring it up at all because I know that he will deny deny deny
yes, even with all the receipts right there.
im dealing with a hedonist/narcissist here u guys)

so but since he knows,
he's more than more than likely to have seen the screenshots
but still.... nothing
no reassurance
no "lets talk about this"
not even a "how r u?"

just brushed under the rug because he wants it to be and im allowing it to be.
im convinced he would rather me bite my tongue clean off before I even speak on my feelings and how he hurts them.

I know this post is coming off a little negative and like im heart broken
but honestly y'all... im okay.
im alright with him confirming every awful thought I have about him.
I have been distancing myself, and ill continue to do so.

I will update on this situation in a week
but I will try to post something other than my problems more often lol.





 
 
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