Early mornings is my time to reflect on various things. Sometimes I consider things that begin with the letter M. other times I reflect on my childhood and come to sudden realizations that turn the day around and quite possibly my mindset.
Today it was the realization of my childhood.
The quick back story to this is my daughter cuddled up with my treasured childhood friend. I smiled and remembered how "Bunny-bun" was my best friend growing up, how the grown ups tried to stop me from believing she was real. the velveteen rabbit was my bible growing up... and how the grown ups almost always over-reacted.
As a grown I see now its not easy. We have a precious gift we have to protect, care for, and guide into adulthood. However we often forget how things work in kid world.
"bunny-bun" became my friend at 8. I had no friends. Any friends I had would summarily betaken away for what ever reasons. School friends? You mean you can make friends in school? I didn't know that. I thought school was some kinda punishment. No, I knew school was for learning, I just didn't think any friends could be made in school because everyone was forced to be there. If they had something in common with you they'd play with you.
There was one thing. The carousel. this was awesome. You see it was a wooden structure that one or two maybe a group of kids could push. It was wooden with maybe 6 sides and metal top rounding off. you could climb to the top and sit as it spins fast. Pushing and running with it you could make that sucker fly like the wind and the kid on top would enjoy the ride as king/queen. It was a team effort and it didn't matter if you were the outcast. you help push them they liked you even ran while you go to the top. That's childhood. That's awesome!
Then I think around maybe 3rd grade they took it away. Said it was dangerous. I was back to the outcast, no one had a reason to like me. I played with the dirt in the trees. Big kids, little kids, everyone thought it was funny to pick on me. I remember if you didn't finish your lunch on time you had to sit there while the big kids came in and ate theirs. and they were nasty.
"you're pretty"
"really?"
"pretty ugly"
cry
okay point made, kids go through a*****e phases when it ends they get better. I like to think she wakes up now and then and says "I feel bad, I wonder what ever happened to that poor kid." I still wake up feeling bad about my own a*****e moments. Its a human thing.
That was the warm up to the rant. Here's the rant. The grown ups. Its a great moral crime in my mind to forget how kid world works. I was sent to a child shrink because of my imagination. I had imaginary friends. I would act out stories I only told to myself. I would play by myself. This alarmed the grown ups.
they believed I'd be on welfare for the rest of my life, They believe I'd have to live in a sanitarium. They believed a lot of horrible things that was basically nightmare fuel for me. because the grown ups believed it it was inevitable. Its was destiny either I stop having an imagination or I'll go crazy one day.
I was sent first to a child shrink. I thought it was just a nice but nosy guy that let me me play with his toys sometimes. He surmised the root of my problems was my over active imagination. He wanted me me to stop playing with bunny-bun and I should play with real people.
What he never figured out was real people constantly took bunny bun away from me and threw her around like a basketball and only if I could get a grown up to care enough to stop it would I get my best friend back. What he and probably 3 other shrinks failed to understand is that bunny-bun was my friend because I had none and if you took bunny-bun and the imagination away I'd have no one.
I can count my friends on one hand. there was Timmy next door whose mom and dad effectively ended that relationship, there was Albert and Kate who out grew me, and there was Daniele and Even. His older sister Dana too but she had her own friends. She was the babysitter. all three of them moved.
Well Dr.Barber was a failure so they sent me to a special school around 3rd grade. Not purely for the bullying but it was a factor, my learning disability and some surmise my skin color had more to do with it. But in this school they both praised yet admonished the imagination. This was a school where even the most minute details could be turned into a hole hill. This was yet another place that blamed the victim and tried to "fix" said victim so they don't be a target.
okay case in point. You get picked on because your short, they can't help you... they can talk to the bully about about picking on phyiscal differences... but if the problem is that you are awkward, clumsy, can't learn fast enough, don't have any socail skills... you are to blame.. period. Its your fault, fix it.
That my friends is the dark part of kid world. Grown ups like you only if you are good enough. If you are not good enough, fast enough, witty enough, cheerful enough, serious enough, mentally strong enough you are on your own. They don't like you. I know mothers who HATE other people's kids, because the kid was exposed to x,y,z. They could have really good parents that try their damnedest to instill manners. but because they get exposed to a troubled stepbrother/sister/cousin etc whatever the reason they get exposed to something that makes them less of an ideal kid and the parents don't let their kid be around that kid.
Grown up logic: "That child knows things my child shouldn't hear. I must protect my child!"
kid logic: "that kid is bad I hate her. yeah no one likes her. lets hit her with a turd"
Grown up logic: Little Billy got hurt! We must protect our children! "*takes away *toy, sport, gym equipment instead of watching closer*
Kid logic: I hate that kid he made them take away our stuff. Yeah he did it on purpose lets hit him with a rock while no one's looking.
You cannot count on a kid to think like a grownup. You can't! They may surprise you with a bit of adult logic once in a while. My kid certainly does but she's still a kid and she will act out. She will still blame others or her self for something that is not anyone's fault. Kids brains are wired to act on emotion. most if not all switch in their teen years. coupled with hormonal changes this could possibly explain why the teen logic and years are so turbulent.
grown ups all once kids. any one who tells ya different is lying or crazy. grown ups need to remember how they can easily outcast a kid in kid world.
Don't take their toys, theirgames, their sports away, set saftey rules, teach them safety, team spirit. don't make them all Winners, but give 'em a hug and pep talk if they lost.
"ya didn't win, but ya did good. did ya have fun?"
If they got hurt give 'em a hug.
"Okay champ shake it off, yeah as soon as we fix this go out and play again. Just remember not to do (fill in what got the kid hurt)"
If you think they should wear a helmet then give'em a helmet, wrist guards, whatever. Teach them safety, don't take away the fun. Oh My God! You were a kid once you did fun things, you made it. Teach them safety and they will too.
And for god sakes if they play with a doll and have a super imagination its not the end of the world. Create a storytelling/art group for kids and help them make friends. They need you to teach them. If they have no social skills teach them!
Don't blame them for the love of Mike!
In closing, teach the kids and don't isolate them. You are the adult!
Jaithien Community Member 
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