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Amaya_marie_LeTant's Journal
My names *Miss. Piggy I want to write about my thoughts my life, my issues. I want to show what im like...what i think of....a way to release my emotions *name has been changed as a result of personal prefrence
BUSH ******** WON!!!!!
grr...this sucks. Oh well. Today i made the rationalization that I am not getting along well with other kids in my school this year because i feel left behind as a result of most of my friends being seniors last year.
As well i got all emotional again over my grandmothers death...i know thats lame but today in school like all the kids in my economics class got talking about their grandparents. My grandmother died when i was in fourth grade (i never learned how to multiply i was out of school so much that year with her in the hospital), my grandmother was my best friend. I never made any friends with children my age because i felt so connected with my grandmother i didnt want to interact with other people. sad When she died my life got turned upsidown and everything i knew was gone. My whole life changed in one instant.
Almost every year, as a result of her heart conditions & her pacemaker & the medicine she was put on, she would wind up in the hospital because of a common cold because her immune system was almost non-exsistant from her meds. So she wound up in the hospital again like normal so when i was a kid it didn't really bugg me because i know she would just be back out in two or three weeks. This time however...she didn't come out. I've been conceling her death to myself to ease the pain trying to convince myself she moved to florida or something...but that finally wore off. The fact that I'm never going to see my grandmother, my best friend in the whole world again, finally sunk in my thick skull today.
As well the fact that eventually I'm going to loose everyone I love as a result of death...either my own (after a long time i hope) or they're death (once again i hope its a long time before it).
The thought of loosing Kermitl just made me feel horrible the thought that i would someday see something happen to him or my mother just tore me up inside. With all these thoughts running through my head i cried...i cried for the first time in many many years. I've never cried so hard before in my life and yet as my eyes felt more tired then before my pain seem to be pushed back down in the pit of my stomach where it belongs to be supressed untill a later date where all my bottled up emotions exsplode in a burst of emotions again.
I complain about my boyfriend supressing things, but i do the same thing...I never usually show my emotions at all i try to hide them especially pain.It's getting late so thats all for now...night night!

~Miss. Piggy

User Comments: [1] [add]
Community Member
commentCommented on: Thu Nov 04, 2004 @ 05:31am
I also fear that i will lose someone close to me someday(hopefully not until the far far far far far far far future). the thing is, is i supress things that need to be supressed, other things are let go so that they dont effect my judgement. things that i supress are things like the urge to jump my girlfriend and hug her pasionatly in the middle of the mall, or another public place... honestl sometimes when i think about her it brings a tear to my eyes, because i know i love her, but i cant help but htink of the distance between us because of college. also i have troubles realizing that we have our whole lives to spend together, but i want to be with her now, this is when i can feel my heart crack(not break), this happens because i cannnot touch her face or caress her, or even hold her tight. the only thing that keeps me from breaking down is the fact that i get to hear her voice before i go to bed, see her face...although it is pixelized. i cant wait to spend my life with her. most people believe its to early to make that decision, i agree but i cant help to feel that she completes something inside me.

i love this girl, and i cant help that....

User Comments: [1] [add]
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