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I just feel so lost right now. I know that Mari said that she needed time to think but I feel like she just doesn't want to hurt me too badly. I feel like my heart's been broken so badly by losing her even though I guess it isn't really official yet. It really hurt talking to her on MSN today and not being able to tell her how much I love her. She really did help me out so much in such a short amount of time and I feel lost without her. It makes me so sad knowing that I won't ever be with her again or even most likely see her again now. The world just lost the little bit of light I had in it, and it's all dark and dismal again. I can't feel happy anymore and it's like I'm just waiting to die again, just like when I lost Roni. I feel like my world has been yanked away from me and I'm all alone again. After having so much hope, it's all gone now and I'm lost in the dark. I honestly wish that she would have decided to stay with me, but I'd rather that she be happy, I'd never force her to be with me if she didn't want to be because I do still love her. It hurts so bad, but I just want her to be happy,and if having me as just a friend makes her happy then I'll try to do that no matter how much it makes me suffer. I guess I just have to learn to let go, but I can't seem to be able too. I wanted to spend my life with her, but I guess things won't work out that way. I know that she needs time to think, but I hope she figures out what she wants soon, until then I'm lost in limbo.
-Jamie