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why, why does this always happen? Whenever I give my heart to someone, whenever I trust them completely, my heart gets broken into a million little pieces. Mari made things better for me, she gave me hope for the future, that perhaps someone out there was for me. Then she wanted to date me and I felt so lucky that a girl that was so nice and kind, so caring and innocent would want me. She just made all the bad things seem to go away and my life was actually getting back on track and getting better again, better than it had been for a very long time. I had made plans, and I wanted to get a degree again, get a better job, just wanted to be worth someone like her you know? Now that she wants to just be friends I have no idea where my life is going or what to do. Everything just vanished once again and I feel so lost and confused about things. I had a life plan again, but yet again I made it around someone else, someone I wanted to make happy... now I just don't know anymore. It just hurts so bad and it doesn't feel like it's going to end anytime soon. I mean yeah I felt her growing distant and I thought I was ready for it, yet for some reason I couldn't stop the tears from coming out. Why am I always left alone? Why can't the person I'm with actually love me? Why am I so repulsive, or am I that much of a bad person? I just don't know why this always happens... when am I going to find a happiness with another person that lasts?