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I hate the fact we are broken up.. I just really wanted to see him this weekend, and he sounded like he really wanted to too.. I wish he just had told me from the start that he didn't want to.. though I do appricate that he was going to for me.. I still want to see him.. I miss him, and I honestly don't know when or if I'll see him, in any sort of time soon... it could honestly be years from now.. and the though breaks my heart, what if he finds some one else..... but as much as I want to be selfish and just have him be with me.. thats not fair and I want him to be happy I always do. I just don't know how to deal with this.. being rejected by him and caileen kitsu are two hardest things for me especially now.

.. and what pisses me off more is that for a few days I was doing good with well not breaking that promise but trying to stay positive and deal with all my hurt and anger and not just from the break up but from other problems in my family, all in a good way... but no my stupid math teacher ruin that and she was such a b***h.. she humilated me infront of the class.. especailly when i came up to personally apologize to her.

I mean I'm still sort of pulling out my hair still.. trying to stop.. I have my stress ball... I remember one quote he said to me today " The only thing that is wrong with you is your lack in confidence"... alot of my problem is I have tiny to no confidence.. when i was well in a sence rejected.. i felt two things, I wouldn't see him probally again for a very very very long time and two if I asked again I get rejected.. and we don't have very many oppurtunities to see each other so it makes it harder.. which I think I already said. Anyways if he reads this. I hope he can forgive me and I am sorry. I really am...