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So I was watching a tivo-ed episode of Without a Trace and they were trying to find this 16 year old boy. Turns out that he was in love with this girl and his best friend got another girl to lie and tell his girlfriend that she had had sex with him. The girlfriend went off the deep end and had sex with multiple people and the guy turned up missing. At the end when the girlfriend found out that he had remained faithful but was now dead, I burst into tears. That led to outright sobbing. Then I realized I was sobbing because they were in love and I'm afraid I am never going to have that. I'm not in love with Brian, though for the last couple days he has been trying to make up for not being around. Its just that when I kiss him I am wishing it were someone else. The messed up thing is that I don't know who. There is no face that comes to mind, I just know its not Brian's. To make matters worse is despite the fact that I am feeling all this I don't want to leave Brian. He's the first decent guy I have been with in... years maybe and I'm not in a hurry to go back to being alone. I'm a terrible person.