So much has been going on/going wrong lately. crying
My mother has moved back in....and I HAVE to move out. Living in the same vincinity with her while she's been drinking is killing me. Let alone having to have contact with her!!!! I can't just sit here and be silent while she kills herself.....cuz no matter how much I truly hate my mother, she'll always be my mother and I love what she's supposed to be. I mean....she continuously attacks myself and everybody I care about to the point that I just want to kill myself to get the misery over with. Everytime she attacks a person I love and care about....I just feel like maybe this is the way to peace for all of us? I mean, sure it'd hurt at first....but the pain would heal, right?
*sigh* But I couldn't do that. Especially after this summer....when I learned what "happy" truly is. I spent the summer with the two most amazing people of my life that I would never let go of. Tifinie and Ryan are my life and the only reason I'm living right now. They keep me above it all....and I know that if I did anything to myself, they would be hurt....and I don't want them to hurt. They taught me what it's like to fly....to just get away from everything by being in another's arms.
But then that makes me feel bad about a couple of my ex's.....Mainly, RJ, Nicole, and Darren. RJ just got kicked out of his house in SC and is job/house hunting because if he can't find a place to live, he has to move back to NC with his Dad. crying Nicole is with a guy that doesn't treat her as well as he should. I mean, she loves him and he loves her.....but he shows warning signs of an abusive boyfriend. I want FAR more for her than all that....Aaaaand then there's Darren. While he shows signs of getting over me......he's still far too hooked on me. It makes me sad to see him unhappy like that. crying
And everything is going wrong in my new circle of friends, as well. Some things are going good.....but most of the time everybody is so unhappy and so....pained that it hurts me to even think about the people I love feeling like that.
-sigh- Seems my first wind is over after breaking for dinner.
Wait for part 2! xD
 TanyaDawn · Sat Sep 09, 2006 @ 12:31am · 2 Comments |
