"Don't cry to me; if you loved me you would be here with me. If you want me, come find me. Make up your mind...."
Not many people will know those lyrics so soon, but I find myself typing them out constantly lately as well as singing them because lately, that is how I have been feeling.
Ryan and I got into our first fight last week...and for some reason I can feel another one coming up already. I feel....dejected, rejected, moody, jealous, etc. And all because of my new friend Katelyn.
Don't get me wrong, I love this girl to death. She is so cool and there for me...but she's caused more than one rift between Ryan and I. It really sucks, because it HURTS to be jealous of my friends....especially when it comes to my boyfriend. But I still keep introducing him to my friends....and it's like this everytime. It's like his mind turns on a sensor that says "FRESH MEAT".
I love every part of Ryan...he knows that, but this s**t hurts. I'm not ready to be in another relationship that leaves me constantly in pain. I've already done that once this year, and I am NOT doing it again. It just feels like it's the same s**t, different day, different girl. That is honestly and truly how I feel!!! But of course, I can't tell him this because I'd just be "overreacting again".
I am NOT overreacting with how I feel. He just doesn't ******** get what issues I have and how the things he does affect him. He knew I have a boatload of issues when we MET. And 10 months later they've disappeared? I don't ******** think so. He's so ******** DENSE that I can't stand it!!!!
Right now, I'm seriously just about to give up....and anyone that knows me also knows that that is not my style. I don't give up, but right now I'm seriously contemplating it. Just being like "******** it and ******** you. This isn't worth it." but in the end....isn't happiness worth it? I don't know anymore...I thought he made me happier than I've ever been but lately....lately I haven't been so happy.
I mean, it could just be mood swings....being angry cuz I haven't had my period yet this month and it's over 2 weeks late, sick of being alone, etc.....but a part of me thinks it's more than that. *shrugs*
All I know is that I can't do this anymore. Something HAS to change. So, to whoever reads this (though I doubt anybody will), what do you think I should do? I need advice.
 TanyaDawn · Wed Aug 02, 2006 @ 12:29am · 3 Comments |
