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Missa Defunctorum
praise the lost souls, it'll set yours free
Nails of Love
I think you're starting to fall in love, and I think it freaks you out because you always saw yourself as hopelessly independent and desperately disinterested. But here we are, with you accidentally referring to me as your wife, looking at future homes, making plans that include me even if you don't always put them into the universe.

I don't think you ever expected to enjoy this so much, having someone by your side who genuinely wants to love and help you feel good about yourself. And to be honest, I knew I was that person to most in my life, but I never thought I would be that person to this degree.

Its more than cooking dinner, making your bed, washing your back, and massaging your aching shoulders. Its giving you love, support, remind you that you are intelligent and handsome and that you could have the world, and somehow you chose me to share that world with. It seem strange, kind of against the things that I swore I knew better than. But even in this strange domestic role, I know that we are equals as we have weight in different matters.

We depend on one another for things we could do ourselves, but realize its the other person's strength. I think that's what relationships are, finding that person's strengths and how they improve your life while offering your own strengths to improve theirs.

We have a good understanding that our lives are long, that there's no need to rush into things like marriage, though I see the smile on your face when you say it as you talk about our future. I see the way you smile when we lock eyes, the way your pupils widen because you're in love and you don't know what to do. It's the way you say, "Yeah, you do," when I remind you I love you.

It's the way we laugh together, the way we kiss in comical ways, the way we always come back to each other when we roll away in the middle of the night. It's the way you treat my parents, the way I try to continue to learn Spanish, the way we beam when we talk about one another.

While I've felt feelings of love, hopes of marriage, and desires of eternity with others, I won't pin this completely on you, but I've grown and my views on these dreams, hopes, and goals have metamorphosed in the process. It has helped me become much more relaxed in terms of learning how to love you, and in letting you learn how to love me.

Too many people rush in, thinking that everyone loves the way they love. I was once that person, to naive to understand that not everyone expresses love by being a nurturing, domestic figure. Some show love by being a wise business man, trying to make enough money for a beautiful home to start a family. Some people show their love by making dinner, others show their love by providing a place for the two to watch TV. Some show their love by washing one's back, while the other is kind enough to wash forgotten clothes for their partner, so that they have something clean to wear.

This love could be unlike any other, because we aren't a couple that constantly needs to validate our love by being beside one another, stopping by for lunch, or displaying it all over social media, or it could be just as cliche as the rest, because we fight for our partner's parents and friends' approval, because we like to be considered adorable when we meet strangers, because we remind each other how deeply we care, though we do so with funny pictures, gentle morning kisses, and passion that we reserve for just ourselves to see.





 
 
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