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Dear Princess Celestia... Just the ramblings of a lost Pwny.

Community Member
A spark of autism
I always knew I was different from other people...my head is wired differently, and back then there wasn't a name for it, I was simply "special" in my mothers' eyes. This "special mind" of mine thought differently than my peers and while i excelled in the classroom I failed terribly with social interaction, which is something i would have given anything to have back then.

I was very lonely the majority of my life, and i often blamed it on the traumatic experience I suffered when i was just a foal. I had always blamed society as a whole for making me what i am, so much so that i despised people to the point that i would flat out ignore or avoid any interaction with them...You see people terrified me and I was afraid that any social interaction would cause me to relive that terrifiying experience i had suffered years earlier.

As it turns out, after a serious bout of depression I discovered that I was infact autistic, and my autism is what made me think and act the way I do. See, about 3 weeks ago or so, I lost many long time friends on here that had me questioning all manner of things about my life, such as "what is the point of doing anything if life is nothing but a temporary existence?" In doing so I really questioned my existence here, and whether or not my existence means anything to anyone, if at the end of the day these people in my life are nothing but "guests themselves in this plane of existence". Much to my surprise, the friend I wrote that to actually did get back with me and assured me that "while it is true this existence is only temporary, that's not to say the experiences are" and that while we (me and her) may not be able to keep in contact always, there will always be a rainbow out there for you (me) and I'm sure you will find your rainbow again long after gaia ceases to exist, and those experiences had will stay with you (me) always". That was the last time I heard from my dear friend Li, and in closing she advised me that i should seek counsel from a licensed counselor who inturn referred me to a psychiatrist, and after a session with that psychiatrist I was diagnosed with autism. Horrfied at this discovery, I stopped going to that shrink, but after thinking about it and talking it over with some friends I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact autistic and i have since accepted it, and in doing so I have come to understand many qualities about myself that were simply a mystery before.

Who'da thought, for years people said only autists and little girls watch my little pony, and as it turns out I actually am autistic...but you know what, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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