im really bored.

oh hey why dont we write in my journal? this s**t is empty af. its time i filled this thing up with something, even if its something as little about what im thinking right now.

im really paranoid of dad coming downstairs right now even though hes out fishing. im not allowed to be on and if he sees me on gaia right now, hes gonna do it like jesus style and crucify my a**.

im so bored, mabye i should go out and distribute some resumes or get high or something!! nahh. what time is it. yeah thats a problem its 4 pm. its kinda late already. not enough time. okay then. continuing onwards in this journal i will!

this dude rocks my friggen world. its been a long time since i had a leginamate crush on a boy, most of the time its a chick. too bad he lives provinces away, and everytime we see each other its over skype. those see through your soul blue eyes just get me. and the way he says he wants to push me down on my bed and go nuts is masturbating fuel that has kept my engine up and running for a while now. ill never forget that camsex we had. it was awesome. hes just in bed naked and im in bed stark naked just looking at him and its like.... no words for it. im not expecting something great ultimatley like a long term relationship out of this, but im just enjoying the fun while it lasts. but he does rock my world. he makes me feel good in so many ways.

see, its moments like this where im alone in a room and its dark that my brain is like "hey, kate, you know what we havent thought about in a while? what good have you done in the sixteen years youve been breathing! thats what!"

and then i think about it.

nothing. absolutley nothing. and there wouldve been a time when i wouldve cared and felt useless and it would make me feel like s**t, but now i dont care. i still have a whole entire life ahead of me. alot of time to discover what imprint i will have on the world. im sixteen. i havent even lived LIFE yet.

i feel so beautiful right now. i dont know why. these past few days i have felt so comfortable in my own skin and so pure its not even funny. im sitting in a chair typing like a lazyass no makeup with my hair in a bun and a basic white shirt and shorts. just normal house loungewear. and i feel so perfect, so pure. never have a felt so good in my life. i feel so good.

i remember weeks ago i went through some whack phase where i wanted to cut my face off. i waas breaking on the inside for some reason. mood swings? i think so. but right now i feel so sexy, so invincible like i can do anything. like i have no flaws.

my neck hurts. mabye its the way im sitting.

oh my goddd matthew bellamys voice is a GOD VOICE. i love muse. muse just makes me wanna touch myself. i can listen to them forever. i wish i could sing like this man. i can sing decently, but i sound like s**t over camera or when im recorded. idk, thats what i think, even though people tell me i sound good still. i think i sound like a man.

i think in a few hours ill study for the learners liscence test im taking in two weeks.

******** no i dont wanna sexycam this guy. i dont care if its for gaia gold. well, okay mabye i do but the only person i wanna sexycam right now is HIM. not this ********, this guy. ever since we had our little thing going on, i dont wanna do any other rendezvous with anyone else. is that bad. no its not kate, youre getting through your whore phase this is good.

why do i do the things i do?

well im gonna go.i think thatll fill up this page sufficiently. thatll be good. and i got my main thoughts out of the way too. well, adios my dear journal im gonna do something else now. i dont know what, but ill find something. im asian. ill find something. im a piece of smart, after all.