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Shona's Random Collection of Thoughts
.....A-Ah! I'm just.... expressing myself here. This is just... "stuff".... nobody really reads that much.
IMPOSSIBLE TO MOVE ON
There isn't anyone around anymore. It was no use crying.... the tears no longer overflowed. You were gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. How am I supposed to find my own happiness? How can you just expect me to chase after your own shadow?

For the first time ever, I longed for somebody... I longed for company. I never knew what it was like to feel loved and needed by someone. Many different emotions welled up inside my chest... but mostly, I felt pain and sorrow. Why....? Why do I feel so desperate...? So needy for attention?

I knew what it was... I secretly knew. But I didn't want to say it out loud. But I knew, nonetheless.... I tried to forget you, tried to hide what I'm feeling deep inside. It hurts me, knowing that you wouldn't care either way. You don't have any difficulty of leaving me behind, nor do you feel weakness whenever I wasn't there. Loving you was both painful and sad... I would occasionally look at you from afar, and feel dispirited. I was always jealous to see some other girl around you and the level of affection you are given. It appeared as though you were somewhat popular. Now and again, when I see you, I was reminded how we can never be and how that can never change.

My feelings for you weren't an illusion... they were real and hard to acknowledge. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong. It was a sin.

I am falling too deep into that hole, and there was nobody who could save me. Nobody wants to save me. I can't climb out of this hole. I am struggling to find my way out. I was going to be forever secluded in eternal darkness. Is there anyway to escape? I don't know of any solution... can you give me the answer? Do I have to wander aimlessly through the dark empty space, and just hope to find the freedom I've always yearned for? I can't feel it.... I can't feel you... there was nobody.

Isolated, and lost with my wings clipped away.... without a single person. All this time, it was you that I needed. But in my world, you no longer exist.





 
 
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