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Well, I binged the last few nights. ********. I was freaking out about not getting my period (or having it be hella late) and I reasoned that if I was going to die, I may as well eat.

Well, ******** that s**t. Yes not getting my period isn't making me happy but last night in bed I thought about a few things.
1) the only thing 'wrong' with me is a skipped period and some maybe OCD behaviors (which I'm working to prevent them from getting entrenched in my personality!). None of the other problems associated with pituitary tumors are here, like depression (real depression - I'm lonely but not emotionless) loss of hair, muscle loss, moon face, etc. And, if it was something like polycystic ovaries (the only other thing I saw) I still don't have the symptoms.
2) the doctors won't do anything until I've skipped my 3rd period, if it gets that far, so there is no point in freaking out about it.
3) I wasn't freaking out until I looked at the stupid website and saw pituitary tumors and panicked. Honestly, deep down inside I have a feeling that this isn't going to be an issue. My feelings always turn out to be right, so I am going to trust my gut on this one.
4) if I do get sick again (with Cushings) then, they remove my adrenal glands and I'm on medication for the rest of my life. that's it. I won't die. And, if I move back to Cali (provided the insurance s**t doesn't get repealed, goddess/science forbid) insurance companies can't discriminate against me.
5) If I die, so be it. I've had a great life, and while I enjoy it very much, I'm not going to be the one that's suffering after I die. Horrible, but true.

SO! I'm kind of fat today (117 pounds, some of it being a food baby) so I'm going to cut back on food a bit and halfway count calories. I've also realized that I just can't keep s**t in the house in an easily accessible manner, even if, like peanut butter, it's not unhealthy and is a legitimate meal. I was sad about losing peanut butter Puffins, until I got a fantastic idea. Divide a box of Puffins into breakfast sized portions, take them to school, and on the day before a super early morning, take one bag back. If I eat it the night before whatever, it is only 150 calories (ish) if not, then I have breakfast!

Breakfast - soup

Lunch - salad thing
1 3/5 servings tofu
some oil and garlic and sugar for sauce
2 cups chopped cabbage
almonds
random veggies
banana

Dinner - bean thingy
1 serving beans
1/4 cup avocado
pita
cabbage

dessert
fresh pineapple! maybe a cup?
2/3 cup blueberries
some yogurt (1/2 cup?)
honey