"I complicated our lives
By falling in love with him
I complicated our lives
Now I'm losing my only friend
Why is it that us human beings are plagued with the bittersweet emotion of love? It's like a wicked disease... it embraces every fiber of your being, spreading like a rapid wildfire to every untouched portion until it has devoured every part of you. It brings you pain and suffering, endless trials of agony... it's never-ending.
I don't know why, I had to try
Living my life on the other side
Now I'm so confused
I don't know what to do
But yet, you still find yourself yearning for the vibrant emotion. You are incomplete without it. It brings together everything you are, granting your spirit a radiating glow. Despite the harsh pain and sideaffects, you still want it.
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me...
... it's almost inevitable... Just as love, honesty stands as a burden... You tell the truth, you are shunned. You shield those words behind an opaque wall, you are loathed. Is no one satisfied on this forsaken earth? What will it take?
I started blurring the lines
Because I didn't care
I started crossing the line
Cause you were never there
I don't understand you... no, it is I whom I don't understand. Myself... I am a mystery to me... everything that I am... so confusing... if only I could comprehend what dwells within the complexity that is my mind... perhaps it is simply pointless....?
No where to turn, No one to help,
It's almost like I don't even know myself
Now I have to choose
I don't know what to do
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, she loves me
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me...
No where to turn,
No one to help,
It's almost like I don't even know myself
Now I have to choose
I don't know what to do
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
He loves me, He loves me not
She loves me, She loves me not
Loves me not...
..... do you love me?"
I simply had a dream... an ongoing, complex, deep, emotional dream. This is the song that caressed my thoughts when I awoke from the slumber... oh the dream... it brought tears to my eyes, stress to my head, and pain to my heart.
Things are slowly beginning to piece together... after about two months of pondering over my feelings and trying to make sense of it all... it's gradually becomming a clear image.
Scott- I don't understand you. You take my feelings for you and use them against me, taking advantage of my vulnerability.... WHILE dating another girl. You continuously feed me line after line of romantic mush and small nothings... complete bullshit.. you put my mind in a trance and lead me into things I regret today...
And when I finally summon the courage to tell you to ******** off, you talk to me more than you ever have. You acknowledge my existance, you give me what I had always asked of you... what the hell is wrong with your head? Are you truly that sick inside?
...******** you.
Alex- my emotions towards you, as far as feelings beyond that of friendship, are more of a lust than an actual romantic love. I had a crush on you last year, a few young heart desires... and when they were gradually being satisfied, they found a place deep within the dark depths of the organ, there where they remained for a long time. Now, whenever I see your darling face, those longings resurface and my body lusts for the young heart desires I seeked for last year. Perhaps it is a step above simple lust... if it was just that, I wouldn't be longing for you at this very moment.
But I wish you would understand the meaning of my words... my responses to the quiz.. I couldn't help but feel that you were offended by them.. that's the impression I got. I wasn't trying to be dirty or anything... I was being honest. The question about friends and sexual relations: I wouldn't just stand up and say, "HEY! Let's have sex!!" I'm not like that. I would never lower myself to such a level. NEVER.
I want you to understand by putting your name as the answer to "Who?", I'm saying that my feelings for you surpass that of most of my friends. I truly care for you... my emotions run deeper than they do for most... I trust you, I believe in you... I love you.
There are different phases/types of love. You have friendship love and romantic love. Each type has different subtypes... my love for you falls under friendship... only one man holds my heart. But it is a level far beyond most. There is intimacy, care, desire, tenderness.. affection, adoration... all of it.
These reasons is why I would want to share that with you.....
But discussing this isn't the only reason I placed your name in this journal..... GO TO SCHOOL DAMMIT!!!! ><
Mathew- i could not begin to describe my love for you. It is simple- not a word in the english dictionary could even come close to describing the affection I hold for you in my heart. I love you my precious angel....
SLEEP DAMMIT!!! ><
........ *sighs* It seems that no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try... there's always something or someone to stand in our way...........
