Things happen in life.. changes take place, new paths are created for you to wander. When you decide to take a different path, you realize in the end that perhaps it may not have been a wise decision, and perhaps you should have remained upon the path in which you began? *Sighs.*
Many roads have been carved before me, and at the moment-- I stand before them all, my eyes gazing in confusion at which path to take. There are so many of them, each and every one going on beyond the sight of my vision. I can feel my heart's pace quicken, an uneasy feeling washing over my small frame. A small voice whispers, "Which path will it be? You can't stand here forever. You have to make a choice. Which one? Which one? WHICH ONE??!!" Which path do I take? Which trail should I wander?? Which one???
I've taken the wrong course many times before, and I fear that the same miserable fate I have encountered countless times is going to embrace me once more, devouring my every soul and relishing the torment caused by it. I despise the emotion of fear, loathe it. I feel insecure and lonely, vulnerable when I'm afraid. I wish someone could show me the correct path, but that would be too easy.
Life has a knack for not being easy.
Perhaps a little bit of assistant would do? What harm can be caused by a minuscule portion of aid? What harm?
But then again... I've never fallen into the luck department when it comes to these type of situations. It always seems that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do to try and prevent it, someone-- whether it be me or someone I care about-- ends up hurt. They throb inside painfully, and it's always my fault. I'm tired of that... I wish it wouldn't happen.. why? Why is it that no matter how hard I try, things turn negative and end it nothing but utter chaos and disaster?
I swear.. sometimes I truly loathe the person I am.. I'm not a bad person, really. But often the decisions I make affect myself and others in more ways than one... and it's miserable. I'm sure that a few people who may read this will agree with me, for I have done it to them... =(
I don't hurt people intentionally. I'm a human being. It's natural. But knowing that I have hurt people tears me up inside. It devours me... and it's tormenting. They think that they're the only ones who are in pain... but they honestly do not take a moment and gaze into my eyes... then they would see the pain and hurt raging within me. *Sighs.*
Life just works that way I suppose... which brings me back to the whole point of this journal... paths... they have opened up before me like a rapidly spreading wildfire... and I don't know which one to take.. The last path I took had it's advantages and disadvantages-- gaining someone dear, while at the same time losing someone precious to my heart. And it hurts terribly... this is why I fear choosing another path. What if I make another wrong decision, and more are hurt? I don't want that... I don't! I hate people suffering... and I hate experiencing it myself.... *Sighs and looks down.* What should I do..?
The answer will soon arrive......
Soon...
~Signed~
Confused Kitten...
.... Protege moi.... (protect me)
 Broken Advent Child · Sat Jul 02, 2005 @ 07:14am · 0 Comments |
