Go to this link and comment even if you've already read it. I've changed somethings around and I desperately want to officially call this thing done. Also, I'm adding a prologue at some point, as well as a new epilogue. SO CLICK HERE NOW!
musicwhore Community Member 
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Community Member
This is the only line I have a problem with....right now, at least, at 12:45 in the morning. Maybe I'll find something else later.
But yea - this line is a tad confusing. To really get it, you have to think about it, which is never good. For stories like this, the reader should never have to think to understand a line. It doesn't really flow very well, and the thought process behind it just seems broken up. You could try having it just be something like "and her conscience was smothered once again." And why does she feel immortal? Where does that come from? Granted, she's a teen, but that's never directly stated, just implied, and so following it w/ a statement like this is inappropriate.
But yea - it can be easily fixed. You just need to clarify the thought process more, and edit the line some.