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Stone Temple Creep
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A Midnight Snack for Thought
Hi there.

It's been a little while since I last posted anything here. I have a few theories as to why this is. It could simply be that I've had no thoughts to elaborate on or that I'm simply too lazy to think about things. Or it could be that I've been working really hard to handle issues as they come up, therefore leaving nothing to think about later on. It's not possible to pinpoint at this time, but to be frank, I simply haven't had any thoughts recently.

I've bore witness to unfolding events over the last couple of years the have broguth my to my current state of mind, it's tought me one thing for certain; never count your chickens before they hatch. Translation -- Things can change in a heart beat. They can change so quickly and spuratically that you won't know it's happening until it's too late.

Thinking back to the relationship I just ended (about 6 months ago), I can clearly see that things were not meant to be. The two of us had completely different personalities and completely different ideals of a perfect life. We had our simularities, which kept us going for a little while, but I can see now that we were simply hiding our true selves in order to co-exist. The second thing I've learned is that this is a situation that is never worth being in. If a person cannot love you 100% for what you are, good and bad, then they're not for you.

All of these thoughts have triggered from a series of events, not in my life, but in the lives of those close to me. Recently, a close friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. She decided it was time to end it. From what I understand, she was depressed and she was dragging him down. I can agree to this. She has some major issues she needs to sort out on her own. It really was not good for him. I would see him every day and he was not happy. Not for the longest time.

Not a lot of people really liked her personality, and even he complained about her from time to time. They simply did not get along. That is that. This brings me to the thought, that if you can't be happy with your partner ateast 70% of the time, that things will inevitably fail. Relationships are a terribly difficult thing to gain, be in and sustain. They're even harder to handle if they fail. Atleast, for a while.

This isn't the only thing that leads me to this conclusion. The same friend I am talking about, lives with his brother and sister-in-law. Or atleast, he used to. Now he lives with a woman he will soon refer to as his former sister-in-law. Two young teens fell in love many years ago and foolishly married young. Countless years later, after sleeping in seperate rooms for more than a relationship is worth, they decided to call it quits. These two fought 90% of the time and basically only got along when they were insulting eachother.

Unless you have a solid foundation, you can't build a house. It's the same with love. You need something solid to stand on and support the person you're with. You're both a peice of something big and you both must work extremely hard in order to hold what you two have. It's a heavy weight to carry by yourself. That's why it takes two. It takes two to maintain something as heavy as love and a relationship.

Another friend of mine has complaints about her boyfriend as well. They're together, unlike the rest of the players in my unhappy story. They have a fairytale relationship fit for a low budget, ghetto love tale. I mean this with the utmost respect as I love my friend to death and respect her for all of her decisions. To put it into perspective, they've both had a rough start to life, let alone thier time together.

It goes like this: She gets into bad things, she meets him, he invites her out, he saves her from a life of hardship, she makes a decision that is for her better, she safes him, they find out eachothers dirty little pasts, they love eachother, they have problems from the past that still come up.

There's a lot of little detail that is required to really put this into perspective, but out of respect to my dear friend, I won't share it. It's not my place to tell. I do fear for her though. She seems to have a lot of simularities in her relationship as I did in my previous. So when she tells me some of her stories, I instantly understand. I want to give her the same advice I would have given myself if I could have gone back, but I don't think my advice is really the best, despite how I feel; get out while you can.

It's not fair for me to say it, but I honestly don't think it's working. Atleast, not completely. Do I think it's a lost cause? Not at all. I think they look very good together. I'm sure he's got to be a great guy. She once told me, several years ago, that she would never (and I mean never) date a guy.... Ever. Yet, here she is, in love and with a guy who saved her life. Do I want them to fail? Not by any means. I want the best for them both. I don't want to see them part and least of all, I don't want to see her hurt. Although, that could also be the reason I am thinking what I am.

Which brings me to my current situation. I am now happily dating a woman, who is oddly enough, 2 years younger than me, but just as mature and more self-enlightened then I am. She's basically like a brick wall. She has no insecurities, no fears (except for beetles), no worries in her mind what-so-ever... about anything to do with us. She's such a stable, wise young woman.

We've had a few issues over the last six months, and I've come to realise they only happened because I'm insecure. I'm the one who get's upset about silly things. I'm the one who fears things happening. I'm the weak one. I love this girl with all of my heart and I want all the best things for her. So I know I need to change my ways. The first step to solving a problem is admitting to it. This is my first step. From here on, I will becoming a better man. For her. For myself.

These are the types of things that flutter to mind when I get onto this topic. I've been through quite a bit in my 21 short years here. I've been with 3 girls. I've learned a lot while with these women and a lot more without them. I've learned s lot sbout people and how they think. How to work with them. I've learned much more about myself. I've learned to strengthen my heart, sharpen my mind and get in touch with myself. I've become a fairly spiritual person because of it. Self-enlightenment is a great tool for cutting a path through life.

To conclude, I believe that a relationship can be made between any two people. Because a relationship could mean many different things. A friendship, parenthood, siblings, etc. Theere are so many types of relationships out there. The most important thing is to cherish them for what they are and work hard to make sure they're not lost. If you ever plan on being with someone as a partnership, you need to learn to love 2 people. Yourself and everyone else. You can only sustain this type of relationship if you have love in your heart. But then again, what can you have if all you do is hate?

"My mama she done told me
There's heart and then there's hate
If one of them is inside of you
The other one, it ain't"

- Matthew Good ("Poor Man's Grey" wink





 
 
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