Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

random things written into a journal
I'm Not a Monster:



My life was a nightmare. I couldn't take much of it. Every night the Benkins would come into my room and check to see if I was there, and every night I wished they just left me alone. The Benkins didn't care for me. They watched me like I was their prey. They had greed in their eyes and always wanted something from me.

My real parents abandon me when I was younger. I can't remember what they look like or if they had ever cared for me. I was alone in this world. I didn't know who I was, or why I was born in this world. All I knew was I hated my life and wanted it to be over.

I remember everything the day I arrived at the orphanage. I was ten and I was carrying a teddy bear in my hand. I still have the teddy bear till this day. The teddy bear was my friend, the only one I really had. Kind of sad when you think about it. I remember tall figures standing by my side. Maybe my parents, or relatives that I still had. They were talking to a lady at the front door of the orphanage. Mrs. Benkins.

The tall figures next to me were pleading and begging Mrs. Benkins to take me in. Saying they couldn't take care of a "gifted child". Mrs. Benkins who "loves" kids, without questions took me in. At first everything was wonderful. I had kids to play with, and I had a family to live with. Things were going great for me. Mr. teddy my teddy bear, also made friends as well. Living at the orphanage for me was the life. Little did I know was that it would end short for me.

I was just being my normal self. I didn't mean to cause any harm for any of the kids or the Benkins. I just wanted them to love and care for me as they did for all the other kids. But as you can see I was a "gifted child" oh curse those words. I was normal like all the other kids, or so I thought.

one evening I was sitting on the patio in the backyard staring at the sky. A little boy from the orphanage came to me, asking if I wanted to play with all the other kids. His name was Mason. Mason was the little boy I had a crush on. I was happy when he asked me if I wanted to play with him.

"Sure I responded. What are we playing" I was already off the ground and on my feet.

"Tag" Mason responded. "Do you want to be it?" He asked. I remember his smiling face. I thought he was adorable.

"Sure I responded" I walked over to Mason and followed him to where all the other kids were. They were gathered in a circle.

"So when are we starting?" I smiled, I was excited that I was going to play my first game here.

"Here put this rag around your eyes" One of the kids walked towards me handing me the rag.

"What for?" I asked. "I thought we were playing tag"

"We are........ its hide and seek tag" Mason responded.

"Ok then" I smiled happily.

"Ok then count to 30 and then take off your rag" Mason commanded.

I began to count. one...... two...... three........ I remember hearing kids shouting, Screaming "run away!". I stood there confused not able to see because of the rag. The screaming got fainter and I got the feeling that I was alone. Did the kids already find a hiding spot? I thought to my self. I took the rag off my face. I was completely alone. Although this was hide and seek tag. I had a strange feeling something bad was going to happen.

"Ok you guys I can't find you. Come out!" I shouted giving up on the game already. No one came out.

"Hello! I'm done playing this game!" I looked around, something wasn't right. I began to get worried. Why was no one coming out? I thought.

"Get her!" A Kid screamed. I saw a group of kids charging at me with speed. They had sticks in their hands that were sharpened at the tip. I tried to run away from them but I was not very fast.

"Stop you guys" I shouted to them "I don't like this game" I was crying watching the kids charge at me with sticks. Someone came up and trip me sending me falling forward. I remember the kids jabbing me with their sticks piercing my skin, making me bleed. I remember shrieking in pain, and begging them to stop. I also remember them laughing at me, and no one cared to help me. Even Mason was in this. It was all fun in games for them

I didn't want to hurt them. I just wanted to be friends with them. I didn't want them to look at me like I was a monster. I wanted to be normal. I wanted people to love me. But I wasn't normal, and no one can ever love a monster.

So I took a victim. The first person I can reach in the group. A fat kid that was slightly taller then me. I got off the ground with as much strength as I had in me, and stretched my hand reaching for his arm. He looked at me shocked that I was touching him.

"Get off of me" The boy yelled. "I don't need a filthy girl like you to touch me" I was still grasping onto his arm. I was trying to look into his eyes. He was resisting me though.

"What are you doing?" He asked "I told you to get off of me!"

I pulled his face towards mine, forcing him to look at me. When I had my chance, I stared straight into his eyes, forcing him to stare into mine. The other kids had stopped jabbing me with their sticks. Their attention was focused on me and the fat boy. They were watching me wondering what I would do. The fat boy was done resisting. He looked at me in terror.

"What are you doing?" He asked stuttering

I didn't respond. I was concentrating. I only had done it once, and I wasn't sure if I can do it again. But I had to try.

"Ok Mia were done here" Mason put a hand on my shoulder. "You can let go of Tobey now." Mason demanded. I stood there with Tobey, looking into his eyes. They may be done here, but I wasn't. I concentrated harder, and with a little more concentration I finally manage to do what I wanted. Tobey was on the ground moving frantically in pain. Screaming and crying. All the kids looked at Tobey then to me.

"Monster!" One kid screamed "Mrs. Benkins" another shouted. All of the kids were running around in terror, and Tobey was still on the ground shrieking in pain.

I snapped out of my little trans looking at Tobey tossing and turning on the ground. I remember hearing Mrs. Benkins running down the stairs with the kids on her tail. I could hear her big feet stomping on the patio ground, and I remember knowing she would be angry with me. Not wanting to face her, I ran away from the orphanage. I couldn't believe what I had just done






User Comments: [13]
fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 07:28am


whoa that story sounds kool!
u should write more! its really good! mrgreen
lol u have great ideas for stories! i wish i could think like that xd


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 07:31am


not really. i just write what im thinking. its kinda creepy and it doesnt make sense. i suck at writing stories........ i wanted to make its sound better than that. but thats the best i can come up with....... *sigh* i love to write. but im not that good at it yet......... but i will try harder.


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 07:44am


then u have a wondrous imagination then, and thats nonsense it made perfect sense to me! and dont look down on ur writing its ur accomplishment! just make sure to get it copywrited so no one can steal that idea from u lolz jk, but still ur a good writer!


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 07:49am


funny my dad said the same thing. my parents never really read all my stories yet of what i have. but from the little part they read of it they say its good. but they are my parents arent they suppose to just say that? well idk....... then they keep telling me to work on it. that they would asked their friends to help me with editing. cause my parents friends (my brother friends parents) are writers. they make plays and they actually get ppl to preform them. so they are experienced with the whole writing stuff. then my dad said he wants it published see if we can actually get somewhere with it. but honestly if you read all of my stories you would just think that its like a little kid just telling the story. i dont have a very big vocabulary and im not as creative as ppl think or say i am............. because my sister and dad are always telling me stuff to fix it. and their ideas sounds way way way better than mine so.......


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 07:57am


oh, and well im not part of ur family and i say its good!
but tahts the glory of being a writer. u have ur friends or family read what u write and then give u tips or comments on it to make it better, but dont take it the wrong way, cuz they r only giving u constructive criticism. and in the real world u have to remember not everyone will like ur work, heres an example, take high school musical, sum people are obcessed with it and others r like omg this is the dumbest thing vie ever seen! u will walways have ur fans and critics! just dont listen to the haters, err listen to them if they are giving u construstice criticism, wow hope thats not confusig cuz im confusing myself with it lolz, and ur not alone on that i dont have a big vocabulary either but waht u do have is a good imagination! 3nodding


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:03am


oh no its not that i cant take constructive criticisms because i can i have before, and i take the criticism and use their advice for my advantage in my writings. i just dont like it when someone has better ideas then me and then they show off the talent they have, and then they know they are better and i know they are better. its more like i get jealous hehe. then i think im not creative or any good. I have extremely low self esteem sweatdrop
really you have no idea......... i know im a complainer *gah* im working on my self esteem tho. it getting better everyday. but its boosting up really really really slow.


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:17am


oh, and trust me i know waht u mena by the jealous part, i used to be the same way, like if sum1 did sumthing better than me then i would be mad or angry at them, or if they did sumthing better than me i would try to mess it up sweatdrop i was a bad lil kid lolz, but oh that sucks, i took a test to c my self esteem and i was like on a 1-10 scale 1 being low and 10 being high i was like a 6.5, but thtas good that ur trying to raise it!


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:23am


yeah. i guess.
im trying to be more optimistic.
but.....
i get it raised, and then just by going to work, and sumtime school it gets shot back down.


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:38am


wow taht sucks, i guess work really bites huh? and u have to do it all the time too, wow i feel bad for u. sad
but ya being optimistic helps alot!
lol wow we went from ur story to being optimistic xd lol its a journal conversation thingy!


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:41am


yeah we tend to do that alot........ ah oh well. i think i started trying to be optimistic because of what thomas said one day to me........ who knew he could ever help lolz


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 08:45am


wow he actually helped u for once?
wut did he say 2 u?


gabbel
Community Member





Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 09:06am


he told me that its easier to be optimistic the being all negative, you enjoy things better when you can look from a positive point of view. and everything has something positive come out of it. even the worst of things. he said that he rather believe things can be good and have fun with that. then be all negative when things are bad and be in a bad mood. something like that. cant remember it was long time ago. i was complaining bout band practice how i didnt want to go. and that it was boring and that i would be in a bad mood. then he said it would be fun. that he would make it fun. then thats how that whole thing started. from that day on i tried to be more positive. im positive sometimes so it works i guess


fallin_dream15
Community Member





Tue Feb 24, 2009 @ 12:12am


hey can be a good mentor sumtimes lol
and other times he can be a jerk xp but thats kool taht he helped u out and all mrgreen


User Comments: [13]
 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum