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hey back again well here's something i've been debating for a long time and still not really sure... what kind of person am i..... i know if well you don't know me that well then this might be a bit akward... the more and more i walk through life the more and more i wonder... what am i going to do with my life.... will my life have any meaning those around me.... will i keep in contact with the good friends i have met in the recent years..... when i think about it, it makes me cry.... heh..... me cry.... now that doesn't happen very often..... heh.... i also wonder why i put on this persona of mine which makes me laugh at the horrible treatment and death of others..... when i think about it truly i am only living a hollow shell of what i believe is life..... i move on day to day only wondering about myself..... oh one more thing i'm selfish... when i stop and think about it i hate myself..... all i think about is myself.... no one else..... only me...... and i like it...... and yet again i hate myself for it..... some people i know call me a great person with a mind to match... i never seem to show that..... all i do is act like an idiot..... and when i do act smart it's only because people think i'm smart.... and it's only because i actually do what i'm supposed to, what i'm basically told to do.... i'm not a leader.... i try to know things but when i do i just find someone who knows a hundered times more than me..... i claim to be a huge fan of anime but i know barely anything and when i try to find more i find one thing that everyone already knows and the people that don't know, know nothing of it or share my views in any way..... it's torture.... and here i am complaining when i can find many people how have it a lot worse than me.... i hate that too..... honestly i just hate myself i really don't know what to do with my life.... i may say i do... but that's only an idea, a thought.... i have no idea how i'm going to get there.... god i hate myself........
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