So I eliminated my stalker. Just blocked and deleted my woes away. When he started talking about Kody, I kind of lost it. Because I love the kid to death, and I'm ridiculously tired of everyone telling me how I should live my life. Jack e-mailed me using my friend Elijah as a kind of scapegoat/proxy. s**t about how he was wrong and he shouldn't have said what he did. I didn't respond. Just told Elijah the kid was ******** psycho, and never to forward me a message from him again.
High school never fails to complicate everything, even when you're not looking.
I still haven't called.
There is Josh. The age-old idealistic obsession that developed into a full representation of my freshman stupidity. He is the thing I wish I'd never bothered with. But we've both grown up quite a bit. I think he might be into me again. He'll be a sophomore in college next year. I'll be a junior in high school. And yes, I'll be legal in about a month... and I've always kind of wanted to lose it to him, of all people.
I'm divulging too much, but rest assured, I think I know what I'm talking about. It might be worth the effort this time. Maybe I'm not crazy. I'm not obsessive and freaky. Not like I was a couple years ago. Then again, I'm riding on a fuel-less tank of false pedestals and past affections. He's cute, but has all the personality of a saltine cracker (dreadfully lacking in the sodium department). Currently training to be an English teacher, which makes the long-term a little shinier. Not that I'm looking at marriage, or anything. But... it's appealing, nonetheless?
Ideals kill everything. Josh is just a fantasy for me. I'm never going to be with him, and even if I was, it wouldn't amount to half of what I'd expect it to.
There's Traver, the best friend who was whisked away into the ethers after I was tossed into junior high. He recently showed up and reinvolved himself in my life. Gloriously intelligent. Kind of sexy in a midnight debonair sort of light. I could really get to know him again, and I know I would love it. Oh, and HE CAN WRITE. This is realistic, but not so easy to accomplish... as he's living in Ceresco (devastatingly close, but just far away enough to ensure that he attends a different high school). And he's a degenerate pothead dropout. Just the brilliant kind.
Oh, Caitlyn Lyles. What to do?
phantasmagorist · Fri Jun 20, 2008 @ 10:49pm · 0 Comments |