Feeling so numb. As if every move doesn't matter. I know I've got things to live for, and I do not wish to die, but.. What do you do when everything is just... lost. Lost in this dark haze of emptyness, where I feel as though what I do and who I am, is worth even less than this piece of used paper.. This paper I'm pushing against my skin to stop the bleeding..
And why do you people have to bring up god in every comment you make? To me, there is no god, no devil, there are only choices.. And my choices have always been in vain... Whatever I try, I always end up here, crying, cutting.. Screaming over and over again; Why is it never enough? Why must I be like this? I am never good enough for anyone... Not even for me..
Everyday I wish for a way out of this pain, out of my haze.. But for nine years now, I've never found one.. What is the point to live in agony while fullfilling these "normal" dreams everyone has of good grades and a well-paid job? I hae none.. And will never have? So what is my future? Mental institution? Filled with agony and thoughts of everything being surreal. Or dead? In the bathtub. Bleeding, blood gushing out of tortured veins.
Ah, what is hope? To me? Nothing... To me hope is just as cold and numb as I am...
/J
Ispahan · Thu Aug 18, 2005 @ 10:58pm · 0 Comments |