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dear journal.
alright. im ready to talk.
so yea.
ive been thinking sooooo much lately..
its so confusing.
its like...
lol...this is gona be like...so girly...
but im a girll...so it shouldnt matter..
its expected of me...
but ok..
theres this boy that ive liked for quite some time now..
[5 months to be exact]
we are very good friends..
we hangout alot..
talk on the phone...
and yea...
hes sooooo amazing.
but then ..like..a week or so ago..
i met someone who was pretty rad.
random chick at lunch..
so i start talking to her...and invite her over with ..
him one night...
and...shes just all over him...
and...im soo jelous...
i dont want to be...but i cant help it..
its like..."I found him first...wtf??"
but...i want to be nice.
and just...sit and watch...
when really as its happening..
i want to just...kill both of themm.
or cut out my eyes...and cover my ears...
im sick of it.
i love em both to death..
but not together.
i get so jelous so easily.
and i think that he likes her too..
and that im slowly just gona be cut out of the picture...=[

in a way..
ijust want to steal him from her...
and if she wants to hang out or something..
just...leave her...
but...then how would i feel if i were in her shoes??
its just...gahhhhh.
and i still want to be friends..
but in a way...i really just want to.
stop being his fiend..
and say...
"Ok hes all yours'"
"i dont wanna be here anymore..while you cuddle and hold hands..and be happy"
when im all sad and in the corner freezing...
and still no room of my own.

my dad decided that he doesnt want to move up here yet......
so no him...
i wonder if he really thinks about ..how much it hurts when hes not here..
i almost feel like there divorced or something...
its horrible...
and i want to just tell someone everything that im feeling...and just...let it all out for once..
like ill be with friends...and im smiling ...and laughing...but really in my head im crying ,and screaming...
and i just want it to stop.

im really missing everyone in florida now...
its so weird thinking..that i havent seen any of them for over 5 months..
going on 6....
thats half a year!!!!
i cant believe that...
but gahhhhhhhhhhhh.
but really.
i went to a movie fest today over at her house..
with him..
and it was ....fun...
not really...
at first i felt so out of place..
like i should just run away...
and leave them there..
but i didnt..
and around the end..
it was better.
we were all comunicating..
and i didnt feel too left out..
he held my hand a little bit..
and my feet were cold ,so he was rubbing his warm feeties on mine..
it felt so nice...
i wanna hug something.
like a animal...
or him..
but gah...
got to keep my emotions in the skull now..
or they'll get out of hand...
i love how ...no one will probably read this...
well i think i might go cry somewhere...
cause i want to...


User Comments: [4] [add]
Lightning Zero
Community Member
commentCommented on: Mon Dec 10, 2007 @ 09:07am
I read this stuff. Sounds like your in a pickle. i dont know what i would do either. maybe just let it run it's course and see how it happens to turn out.

commentCommented on: Tue Dec 11, 2007 @ 01:59am
well thanx for reading...
yea i think thats what im gona do...
she invited me ,and him to another movie fest this saturday...
idk if im going to go though...
well yea...

Community Member
Felt Teeth
Community Member
commentCommented on: Sat Dec 22, 2007 @ 07:04pm
I read this one.

I've been in your shoes a couple times, though the second time wasnt so bad. I liked two people then and watched as one of them fell for a girl we'd just met. The other guy, however... well... *hugs her Quala*

The first time, though... I liked a guy for four years and we were pretty good friends for a couple years before I told him. That's over now, but it's still turbulent. Be careful dating people you consider friends. It can mess with a lot of things.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I dont know the situation, but it doesnt sound pretty. If ever you need someone to vent to, you can come to me. I'll give advice if you ask for it and I'll tell you that people are morons if that's what you need to hear. I'm praying for you, Meggo. *hugs*

commentCommented on: Sat Dec 22, 2007 @ 07:11pm
yea ...it really sucks...
im not sure what to do about it...
but gah..
ill figure something out.
thanx for the comment.

Community Member
User Comments: [4] [add]
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