That ******** simple.
It just went down like a ******** bomb.
I know summer is about to end and all but this is s**t.
Just shitty s**t.
You want to know why?
I'll give you four reasons.
Really just need to talk about them before they screw me up more than they already did.
First, my father is racist. I'm white and I'm interested in someone who is black, yes sounds like a movie. He's a sweetheart, actually who the last entry was about. He's a great guy, he's actually what I've been looking for in a guy. Whole problem is that he's that skin color. I personally love that about him, I have no problem with it and if he asked me I would date him in a minute.
But it's dad, if I did date him then that would mean I would have to move. Go back to private school, go through all that s**t again. Just because I have feelings for a great guy. ******** up in my opinion.
I'm even thinking about secretly dating him, but don't want that to turn to be ugly cause it could.
And yes Eddy, that's all you.
Second, my best friend is not that anymore. Was best friends with her for two ******** years. It was great, she knew me like the back of her hand. But then she started to spread s**t about me.
Told all about my life and then little 'extra'. She told all of the 'beach' that I'm a whore and then lied about little trivial things back to me. I just couldn't take it, first ignored it but then it got worse.
So I said screw it and just got rid of that.
But now I'm screwed 'cause I'm in a really pissy mood with NO ONE to talk about it with.
Third, my good friend is going out with a great guy. Someone she really does like, and he to her. But this boyfriend has a best friend, she likes him now too. They both have really deep feelings for eachother, and I'm in the ******** middle 'cause I found out first about all of this s**t.
I hate it because it's like a triangle with a string attached. I'm the string.
Well now, tonight, they all are opening the problem up. My friend is telling her boyfriend about her feelings, and I'm praying to god that he'll take it alright.
Lastly, I hate being single. I know it's a very low thing to say but I do have my reasons. I can't stand it for one, because something inside me wants to have a really deep combatible relationship with someone but it's like ******** that.
It won't happen.
The last time it did, he cheated on me and that was a while ago.
I do believe in the quote; "a woman lives the love life she wants", but am I too screwed up right now to know what I want?
Is it so hard to just figure it out.
I want to be loved by a guy, to be in his arms and know that everything is alright. To want to be with him every moment, to have him on my lips in a conversation, I just want someone.
I know that can be taken vaguley, and for that, ********.
I'm ******** sorry.
I just don't know what to say.
Well that's it.
I know it's a bore versus some lives, a confusion I bet too.
But that's my ******** up summer for you.
How's your's.
Her Maserati Community Member 
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