Have you ever had your heart broken? its the most horrible feeling in the entire world.. I vowed to myself i would never be a heartbreaker after knowing how much it hurt me. But i did it. I broke a boys heart. and he cried. I never expected to see my big macho man cry like that he asked for a second chance.. and i couldnt do it. I THOUGHT i couldnt do it. I thought i didnt love him and that it was best to end it soon so that we could save the bigger hurt that would happen later.
Once i ended it.. I realized how much he really loved me. watching him cry. He left.. and once he did I realized it was the biggest mistake of my life. I loved this boy I really did love him and it took the thought of him not being in my life to realize that i needed him more than anything. I was terrified.. terrified that it would be too late. Terrified that he wouldnt want me anymore
It was the hardest phone call to make. To sit on the phone and ask "Is Ryan home?" if they said no that would have been it.. I dunno if i could have made the phone call twice but i did it.. and they said yes.. He picked up and i asked him what he would think if i told him i made the wrong decision.. that i realized i wasnt ready to stop having late night phone conversations, and that i did want to do all the things we havnt done with eachother. and that i hoped he forgave me
THere was a silence... and i was terrified.
THen he said he loved me
He loved me
He wasnt mad at me at all.. He should have been but he wasnt
He loved me and he was happy that i changed my mind
Im happy too. I cried on the phone with him while in the empty parking lot at a train station waiting for the bus in the snow. He asked me why I was crying and i said
I love you too. I love you too!
 SilverRam · Sun Feb 06, 2005 @ 06:53pm · 0 Comments |
