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.h.a.v.e.n. What comes to my mind.

Phoenix Amber Twilight
Community Member
More than I hate my life...
He told me "Be happy." I cried and I didn't know why.

At first I thought it was his kindness that made me so happy that I did.

Then I thought 'oh... I've never actually had those words spoken to me before.' and maybe it was something I've always wanted someone to tell me.

But then I realize, no, because I had my time. I had my happiness in the time of my ignorant, innocent, naive bliss of a childhood, as messed up as it was. I had everything and I took it all for granted.

Now I have nothing and the one thing I want is for someone that I love to simply love me back.

But I'm unacceptable it seems, impossible.

I can't help but think there's something wrong with me. The people I love the most, I love whole heartedly and I'm always trying to think of ways to convey that feeling into actions. They speak louder than words... I've learned the words "I love you" rarely have any worth unless there's proof to go with their meaning.

But in the end I'm always thrown to the side, unwanted.

Something is wrong with me, isn't there?

More than I hate my screwed up life, I hate myself.

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