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(questionEVERYTHING) My thoughts and such... such a surprise. Mostly things I'm learning about myself and life and such... but not too emo.


Quintessence
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The difference.
Amazing.

The more I learn the more I realize I know nothing at all. The limitations of my knowledge are intimidating. The vast stretches that lie beyond the realm of that which I can grasp makes me stare, openmouthed, with disappointment and shock. These things I thought I knew.. about myself, about the world, about people and logic, all of them are fallible. I try my best to question everything, and all that I seem to find is that nothing can stand up to the questioning. It's like trying to crumble a leaf in your palm, and suddenly everything else in the world crumbles and breaks along with it. The ground beneath your feet slips, and you suddenly want nothing more than to stop crushing that goddamn leaf.

But stopping questioning is unacceptable. The ground is slipping, but it's still there. Or is it? I don't know anymore. All I know is that for all my questioning, it just seems that not only is every answer I've found wrong, but the questions are simply unanswerable. If that is so, then what is left? Nothing? Floating space? The startling blankness that fills the mind when someone asks a question and you have no idea what they even mean?

I wonder if I'm making myself crazy, asking these unanswerables. Or maybe I just have the mindset that no answer will ever satisfy me... and so, to continue questioning would be masochism if the problem is not remedied. I don't know... See? Another thing. Another that I don't know...

A can't stop asking because to live is to question. And I'll suck every ounce of breath, of blood, of the sensation of time passing through my clenched fists that life has to offer.

Maybe I'm not looking hard enough for answers. Maybe I don't want them. But I think I need them, and I need to find them quickly. Because existing as I am, knowing nothing, not even myself, seems dangerous. Will I do things in this state that later I will realize is contrary to everything I am, everything I believe?

I don't know. I just don't know.

For now I will simply try and do nothing to bring myself harm That will be the rule. No harm, physically, of course, but more importantly, metaphorically. And anything to bring myself some sort of gain will be a bonus.

I need to accomplish something before I die.

(Dreams are dreams and reality is reality only because when you are awake, you notice the ground under your feet.)

Thoughts and nonsense, time to straighten up.





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