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I have learned that love does not exist but a mere fog, a murky glimpse. Only the Holy God of justice is humble, righteous, pure love. I have been forced to learn how to lose all things. The truth I have found is that people either abandon you or die... that's a promise. If I make a person place or thing my god...i.e... what I worship, then it is foolishness. I'm not promised anything. And I too will die someday. Life is so short I must carry burden and others Home. If I live eternally, then I need to do what is most pure and effective in this life... love is serving and healing...not selfish physically mentally nor emotionally. I wish to no longer enslave people to do my own bidding in my expectations...ego has no reason. Emotion is useless and has caused my fall all too much. I do not want anymore. In some case I'm numb but this world is a battleground between good and evil...not a paradise to slumber as much do. I am called to discipline and duty. I have failed a lot, but each step I become a little more faded, less moved. God grant me wisdom.