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Wunderkind - Alanis Morissette
Oh perilous place walk backwards toward you Blink disbelieving eyes chilled to the bone Most visibly brave no aprehended gloom First to take this foot to virgin snow
I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh And I lift the envelope pushed far enough to believe this I am a princess on the way to my throne
Destined to serve, destined to roam
Oh ominous place spellbound and unchild-proofed My least favorite chill to bare alone Compatriots in place they'd cringe if I told you Our best back-pocket secret our bond full-blown
I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh I am a pioneer naive enough to believe this I am a princess on the way to my throne
Destined to seek, destined to know
Most beautiful place reborn and blown off roof My view about-face whether great will be done
I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh I am a ground-breaker naive enough to believe this I am a princess on the way to my throne
I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh I am a Joan of Arc and smart enough to believe this I am a princess on the way to my throne
Destined to reign, destined to roam Destined to reign, destined to roam Destined to reign, destined to roam Destined to reign, destined to roam
---
Happy late Groundhog's Day, everyone! I'm really excited at the prospect of Spring coming early, since in my area, the groundhog never saw its shadow. =] It may be a silly superstitious idea, but I'm happy with it, especially if it gives me Spring early. heart It's one of my two favorite seasons, the other being Fall. La primavera y el otono! =D Go Spanish class!
Anyway, I've decided on a whim to start TekTek people for gold to further my dream avatar funds, 50 to 100 gold per Tektek, depending on how hard I work to make it. Those who are dissatisfied will not get a refund; I can also choose to refuse to TekTek your avatar if I'm on a hiatus from TekTek-ing. ^^ This is just a little mention on it and I'll have some examples up soon, m'kay?
Xylia-chan · Sun Feb 04, 2007 @ 03:22am · 0 Comments |
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Homigawd! How long has it been since I was here? A century? -pokes journal cover and raises a mushroom cloud of dust and lint-
Like, woah.
Scary. sweatdrop
Ooo, I love this song. :3 'Tis a lovely song by Maroon 5, called She Will Be Loved. Such pretty lyrics. -goes off for a few seconds to dance lamely in front of her radio, wishing her computer's speakers would work so she wouldn't have to get up at all-
Oh, yeah, and here's the lyrics, as well as a copy of a rough draft of a new ending for the book I'm reading in English, The Call of the Wild. The assignment was to make a new 'happy' ending to the book in which John Thornton (who I think of as a modern hobo) doesn't die. In the real ending, he gets killed by a group of Yeehats. Indians, I think.
Ha. x3
---
[the lyrica]
Beauty queen of only eighteen She had some trouble with herself He was always there to help her She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles And wound up at your door I've had you so many times but somehow I want more
I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies It's compromise that moves us along, yeah My heart is full and my door's always open You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved
I know where you hide Alone in your car Know all of the things that make you who you are I know that goodbye means nothing at all Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved
[in the background] Please don't try so hard to say goodbye Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Yeah [softly] I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Try so hard to say goodbye
---
[the fracticality]
“As Buck slid along with the obscureness of a gliding shadow, his nose was suddenly jerked to the side as though a positive force had gripped and pulled it. He followed the new scent into a thicket and found Nig. He was lying on his side, dead where he had dragged himself, an arrow protruding, head and feathers, from either side of his body.
“A hundred yards farther on, Buck came upon one of the sled-dogs Thornton had bought in Dawson. This dog was trashing about in a death-struggle, directly on the trail, and Buck passed around him without stopping. From the camp came the faint sound of many voices, rising and falling in a sing-song chant. Bellying forward to the edge of the clearing, he found Hans, lying on his face, feathered with arrows like a porcupine. At the same instant Buck peered out where the spruce-bough lodge had been and saw what made his hair leap straight up on his neck and shoulders. A gust of overpowering rage swept over him. He did not know that he growled, but he growled aloud with a terrible ferocity. For the last time in his life he allowed passion to usurp cunning and reason, and it was because of his great love for John Thornton that he lost his head.”
There were several areas of expertise in which Buck excelled as a sled dog and an animal. These areas included stealth, ferocity and cunning; few could withstand the blows Buck could give and receive. John Thornton was one of few who had born witness to what the mixed-breed dog was capable of, aside from the man’s companions Hans and Pete. Most had only heard of the now legendary dog, whose fame had grown with every feat he had performed for the love of a man.
Namely, John Thornton. The very silhouette of the man’s shadow was all it took to arouse Buck’s love for him, a thing of terrible consequences for Thornton’s enemies; and even in the most docile of moments there was nothing that Buck enjoyed more than time (well spent in his opinion) with Thornton.
Or so Thornton thought; in reality, though he had yet come to the truth, which was that he was simply a living link between Buck and civilization, something which could be severed at any moment. Fortunately, Buck was content with his lot in life: there was nothing wrong with civilization; for all that the wilderness had a more rustic, feral touch of beauty. He was loyal to those who were loyal to him, and in that number there was barely a handful.
Firstly, himself; secondly, John Thornton; thirdly, and lastly as well, Skeet and Nig. It was a heart-sore to realize that as he had been answering his own desires, he had abandoned his loved ones without even a thought’s notice, time and time again, exposing them to foreboding danger that had finally inched so close its consequences had been initiated.
So it was that when he loped easily into the camp, hackles raised and formidable canines bare, he walked right into a situation he could have easily avoided had he been there in the first place.
There were three small, simultaneous battles going on in the middle of the camp, which in itself was disheveled and disorganized but nothing in comparison to the bloody mess of a fight going on in the midst of all the clustered possessions and et cetera. Each and every one of them were between a small group of Yeehats and a man or a group of dogs, John Thornton accompanied by a limping Skeet, Pete with a dog that bore white fur streaked with fistfuls of darker, auburn tufts, and the last (and smallest) group of Yeehats warding off a group of dogs intent on tearing out their throats. Buck’s fleeting thought was disgust with the methods they used to attack, coarse jumps and clumsy snapping bites that barely injured the enemy. In fact, they were picking off the dogs and men alike with sheer force of numbers; he did not, however, allow himself to dwindle on this as he leapt into the fray, emitting another harsh roar of anger accentuated by the slaver dripping from his massive jaw.
From the first, he made a larger impact than he knew – more ghostly than animalistic, though carrying traits of both – with his majestic entrance, and even more so with the skill with which he dealt punishment out to his many foes. Several times did he manage to rip out a throat venomously, or tear off a limb; he seemed to be as easily capable of drawing blood as he was of breathing, of living, of existing. Even Thornton, who thought he knew the limits of the wondrous animal he loved, was astonished with what ease Buck managed to drive back the circle of savage barbarians around them, scattering them as effectively as he had when he’d first literally leapt into the battle.
As much as he knew the others, like Pete, needed help, Buck couldn’t tear himself from John Thornton’s side, fiercely loyal to the man in the same way he had been fiercely loyal to the hunting of the great animal called moose. He knew his place, and he knew it well, and Buck knew that place was beside John Thornton. It was to have been expected, even as he continued to slowly decrease the number of enemy forces and increase the number of enemy casualties, because that man was not only his beloved companion, but also the one strong link that he bore to mankind and their civilized ways.
It was in this way, even as Buck dissipated the defeated and retreating Yeehats from the camp with wild, passionate lunges, snapping at the ankles of some, that he came to conclude that although he regretted his decision somewhat, because he would never be able to run wild and free as the feral being that was coated with civilization’s limits, he would hold firmly.
He had no regrets, because John Thornton was with him, and it would always be so.
Xylia-chan · Sat Jan 20, 2007 @ 03:51am · 0 Comments |
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So here's the one-shot as it is in Word, no editing except for one swear word. It's four pages long in 8 pt, so...Yeah. READ, PEOPLE. READ FOR YOUR LIVES.
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έρχεται πάντα κάτω σε αυτό [Greek Translation – It Always Comes Down to This] Acantha-chan
Disclaimer & Other Junk: One-shot. Based on Fifteen (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2425883/1/) by sna. No stealing or I’ll hunt you down and scalp you. Relationships are [kakashi x rin] and implied [obito x rin]. No mature content. All characters are © to their respective owners; no piracy or theft is meant by the writing of this text. Authoress’ Note: You steal this and like I said before, I’ll hunt you down and scalp you with my pointy metal stick. This was done randomly, something I felt like doing ’cause I was just bored; both sections can be read separately or together, take your pick. sna’s one-shot is better, trust me. I had a lot of trouble with the present tense but I did it anyway ’cause I didn’t have anything better to do. And then I changed it to past ‘cause I had the time. I revised it a little too, since the first version of it (without spell check and all that other proofreading crap I’m supposed to do) is posted at http://z7.invisionfree.com/Naruto_unleashed2/index.php?s=fe11094e27abf37e2763514d819a5d1a&showtopic=169&view=getnewpost. Scary URL, huh? Well, too bad. Go ahead and yell at me. See if I care.
---
He is her anchor.
She is his light.
Rin's house was always empty, the layers of dust everywhere as thick as the layers of blood she was forced to shed everyday. She didn't understand life anymore; the idea of home, that small apartment on Etsuko Avenue, the feeling of a parent's arms around her as a child, was no longer comforting to the young woman...Almost nothing was with her. That was part of the burden of her job, a burden she wished she could hide as well as Kakashi can. She couldn't see past the rusty red haze of bloodshed, though it was ironic that she was a medical kunoichi. It was almost like what Kakashi saw whenever he revealed his single Sharingan eye, with the three black tomoe upon that black background, a familiar red haze.
Kakashi. She breathes in and she hears his name. Her heart's irregular, jagged rhythm beats to the sound of his breath and name. Ha. Ta. Ke. Ka. Ka. Shi. Like magic, only better. She knows she shouldn't feel this way; that he could never feel this way, because he will never and has never recognized love. He was too afraid to love. He didn't realize that love not only took, but gave. He was afraid of it. But that was acceptable. He feared little else. It made up for the fact he wasn't afraid of anything else. (Or if he was, he never showed it – her knight in shining armour.) It made him seem human...Except humans loved. They loved and were loved in return. But he had no love himself, and that was another one of his few fears, that he might die alone and without having ever known love.
Love. Her pale lips formed the single syllable as she continued her walk down the street, keeping to the back alleys and avoiding crowds. She knew she should have shed her ANBU-issued uniform by now, that she would have been walking through the front door of her home by now if she had gone the right way...No, her apartment, not her home. But had it really ever been hers? There was nothing there she could treasure save that picture: the picture taken on a sunny day in the fall, brown and honey golden, of a sensei and his three students...Kakashi, Rin and Obito. The perfect three? No. But at least she had felt like she'd had a home then - the three names sounded so perfect together, like three parts of a simple puzzle that was only complete with all three. Now...
Her gentle brown eyes closed; she shoved her hands into her pockets and was suddenly glad for the mask that classified her as an ANBU. Only partially conscious of the way she was taking, because it was the way she always took, she turned a corner, the moon suddenly overhead and bathing her in gentle rays of its silver light. She opened her eyes again. Now - well, now, there were only two. Only two pieces; the puzzle was no longer complete.
Obito. She whispered the name sadly behind the feline mask, her flesh aching for his touch again, whenever he would kiss her on the cheek or laugh at her playfully, or even spar with her at the training fields. Then, another image came through her mind, one that always made her guilty that she always thought of Obito first, thinking that her unconditional love was wrong, that she was wrong. It scared her - that simple image of Kakashi's hurt expression whenever she and Obito would be together, laughing or just talking, evident even when his Konoha hitae-ate shaded his unnaturally pale face and he turned away from them. She was a woman now - what did he think, that she didn't love him the same way she loved Obito? That he wasn't important to her too? That Kakashi wasn't as much a part of Rin as Obito had been - and still was?
It was true that when Obito had died - alone, she knew, and felt guilty - a part of her heart had died. But the same had happened when their Sensei had died. The same happened every time she was forced to coat her hands in blood as she donned that telltale mask: the one she wore even now, the one that broke her emotions' thin barricade instead of reinforcing it. Each time she thought of Kakashi now, she thought of his hands. How they, too, were coated in blood, how it was because of his decision to become ANBU that she had as well. Demanded it. Wanted it. And how he had been so fiercely against it. How he knew that she would follow him wherever, whenever...Forever. And it scared him. He wanted to forbid it, but he never did.
Because of the promise. Only because of the promise he made, she thought fiercely, resolutely, to herself, taking another turn to end up on the same street, the one where she always went, the one on which Kakashi lived. Her gentle eyes become more melancholy every time she realizes this, as she realizes her heart knows her better than her head. As she realizes, and not for the first time, that Kakashi has become her anchor to earth. The reason she lives. The reason she was still human and not a corpse forced to dig her own grave in cold frozen winter ground. Alone.
She will always come back to him. Always, because he is her breath on nights like this, when she opens her eyes and looks at her hands and sees the hands of a murderer instead of the healer he knows her truly to be. Only in his presence can she remember that. Only when he is there. The grey apartment door she knew so well, 39C Ichiraku Street, the closed black curtains against which his silhouette, his shadow could be seen. Ironic, really, because Rin knew that what she saw whenever she looked at Kakashi she is only looking at part of him - the part that is logical and cold, the part that does not and has never known love, the part that was there for her every time she ends up on this street again...But only because of that promise. Funny how two simple words like, 'I promise' would have had such a big impact on their lives.
Rin wished with all of her being and essence that she could unlock the other side of him - the side which Kakashi locked away for the sake of his reputation, so that he would not become another White Fang, another Konoha failure. But she knows that he has locked up the key, too, in a keyless safe that will probably never be opened ever again. At the age of thirteen, this had already happened...He had already become a boy whose heart was locked away, just like in that movie she'd seen as a child. What had it been called? Oh, yes. Howl's Moving Castle.
The question she wanted an answer to was if she had a key to that supposedly keyless safe, if she could be Sophie and he Howl and she could save him and have a happy ending?
But then again, happy endings weren't anything usual to reality. It was the stuff of fairy tales to most, where magic and myth were prominent and happiness could almost always be found by the main characters.
People are like that. They want to believe that they could have happy endings. As her Ero-sensei had once said - for once when he wasn't referring to a quote from one of his perverse little orange books - it was easy for someone to be happy, but it took a really good person to make something out of the world's sadness...And the perversities, too, which was where he'd said he'd come in. She snorted at the thought of him, before she falls silent again.
I'm here again, she noted silently as if she were talking to herself. I always come here. It's my real home, the only familiar ground I can stand on without falling now. There is no other haven for me but with him. Kakashi.
The name rolled off her tongue before she could stop herself, the k's bitter on her tongue but the 'shi' so sweet for her feminine voice that speaks on levels of angelic innocence only she could represent. Once again it was like magic - that element of life that she still believed in, the element that gave everyone innocence. Everyone but her, whose hands were coated in the blood of innocents and convicts alike, the one who was forced to kill someone almost everyday, to break apart families and orphan children. Just like she kills another part of Kakashi every time she does this, every time she feels like she would die and that if he wasn't there then she would be all alone. That she would die alone, alone without anyone who she loved there beside her. At least if she died with Kakashi she could be on familiar ground as she died, even in a hole she digs herself. Rin tried to sigh and let out some of her turmoil-struck feelings, but only a faint whisper of such a sound escaped her pale lips, brushing against the entirety of her mental and emotional being as she brushed the doorbell with a gloved finger, and then let the gloved hand drop to her side. She knows the way in, and unlike a regular shinobi, it is not through the front door - but the back. Always the back door for her. Always and forever.
---
Kakashi knew that Rin was coming the minute she stepped through his back door, disabling all the customary traps like she always did, no matter how many times he would try to change it, which wasn't very many. He knew that it would have been like shutting the door in her face; the fact that he never tried to change his security system any more was as close as he would ever give to an open invitation to anyone, even Rin. He couldn't do that. It would go against everything he knew: that he should be there for her because he is her anchor to the physical world, that Obito's voice in his head would never cease if he did that, that he himself would never forgive himself for it.
He could hear the vibrations of her steps as she got closer to him; he sits still on his bed, the flimsy mattress squeaking to protest the weight, waiting.
It was always waiting with Kakashi. He set the pace for Rin no matter how quick it might be, he set down laws and boundaries for her no matter how restricting they might be, and he set down her route through life no matter how winding that path is. The amazing thing was that despite this, Rin always followed him, like a faithful hound that would always come back to its owner no matter how many times it was beaten. It hurt him to see her like that, almost cowering on the ground, and yet it gave him a sense of worth that also gave him wings; it made him happy to know that she will always trust him no matter what; and it made him seem human even though he knew he was as far from human as anyone could be in a sense that was the polar opposite of Rin's. She wasn't human because she cared and loved selflessly just like an angel, a heavenly being of the skies; he was not human because he was cold and heartless to almost everyone. She was his light, his salvation, the one who he had always hoped would save him. Like in a fairy tale. No one else had so much love in their heart, but then again, neither did they have as much chaos in their heart as he did. They could all love, couldn’t they, when he couldn’t love anyone?
Almost anyone. Everyone but Rin was considered unworthy of his love; he tried every time she came to him for comfort to give her love the same way she gave him love - what must it be like to be able to give some much of oneself and still retain a sense of being someone? - but he always failed. Always. It never came close, because of that tiny voice in his head. Obito's voice, that hissed at him and ate away at his fragile conscience each time, every time, saying that he shouldn't be trying to push Rin away, that he had made a promise. Kakashi assumed that Obito didn't realize he was doing his best at the beginning - or maybe he thought that Kakashi's best wasn't enough. Nothing was enough for Rin, after all, because she was content with just about able to do better and he wasn't afraid to tell Kakashi so.
His Sharingan eye lay unblinking, exposed to the cold autumn breeze without the hitae-ate to protect it; it stared at Rin without any sign of emotion as she sheds her ANBU-issued armour, then the footwear, and then finally the mask. The black mesh all ANBU wore on duty underneath revealed every innocent curve of her body, shifting when she did and giving Kakashi a view of what was underneath that he feels he shouldn't have been given. She shivered in a sudden autumn chill; he finally stood, silver hair flopping over his two different eyes, and closed the distance between them with two steps. She shuddered again as she curled both of her arms around him, burying her head in his chest as she let unshed tears find their way from her tear ducts out of her eyes and down her long lashes. He held her tight, both relishing the feel of another's touch as they closed their eyes and just soaked in that almost alien feeling.
"Thank you," she managed to murmur, lifting her head to allow Kakashi to stroke the green and brown stripes on her cheeks like he always did. He nodded absent-mindedly, gloved hands tracing the second stripe on her left cheek, and then glanced at her shoulder. He frowned. Obito scowled, too, muttering how she shouldn't have the mark of the ANBU there, that her skin should be unblemished always and forever - just like her soul's clarity. Kakashi agreed mentally, before turning his attention back to Rin. She needed him most, after all. Obito grows silent, wishing with all his might that he could be the one holding Rin. Kakashi basked in the feeling even more, trying to give Obito a taste of it too. Rin noticed and whispered, making Obito feel hurt without actually intending to, "Please, Kakashi. I don't want it to be just the three of us again. I don't want to relive my childhood just to have it taken away from me the minute I leave you. I just want Kakashi. The real you. Please...Tell me you can give that to me."
Kakashi frowned, the expression evident though he had yet to remove his black mask. But when he saw Rin's needy eyes, usually so innocent and happy, now so sad and frail, he nodded reluctantly. Obito makes an angry sound in his head, then became quiet again when he realized that Rin needs this, just like she always did...His only problem was that he had never been able to get used to it. Kakashi held her tighter, more possessively, planting a gentle kiss on her clear forehead - clear like her heart and spirit.
He nodded. Rin smiled in relief and pure angelic joy, and then buried her head into his chest again, breathing in his heady scent of frankincense; he held her close just like she did to him and breathed in her gentle lavender scent. Soon, as always, it will be just the two of them again.
She is his light.
He is her anchor.
Xylia-chan · Mon Dec 25, 2006 @ 02:34am · 1 Comments |
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Lyk, DUDE. I'M BORED. AND I WANT ANOTHER WATER MEAT. 'CAUSE I IS COOL LIKE THAT.
'Kay, no more caps. Hurts my eyes. And that's not good, 'cause I'm already legally blind without my glasses. Yeah, I'm such a dork. I've got glasses and I'm addicted to this gizmo they call a computer. Lyk, NO WAY!
So, next post, I'll put up that Naruto one-shot I told you guys about. If anyone's even reading this. But I'm weird, like I've said a million times, so I'm gonna go see if I have any friend requests. So I can make sure someone's actually reading this. x3
Xylia-chan · Mon Dec 25, 2006 @ 01:38am · 0 Comments |
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=3 Well, this is it. My first post, which will be filled with a ton of stuff that's utterly insane and thus befitting me. I'm so sane it's insane. cool But I'm cool like that. And so are my friends. So shaddup if you're about to yell at me for not making sense. I never do, so deal with it. sweatdrop I feel like trying to figure out how to costumize my profile. And now I don't. Happy holidays, kiddies. I betcha I'm shorter than all o'you, though. That's what being Asian does to you. -gigglesnort- Wish I were Japanese. Then I could mock all of you for reading the American version of manga. But I'm not. So I can't. Eh...I'm gonna go see if Jared's on. He's awesome too. Just like me. If I had AIM then I could nag my 'mom' all night long. Having 'pretend' families at school is awesome. You should try it sometime. Lovely trend. Except Brad's my dad. And I have to be a single mommy. Because I'm so weird no one wants to be my husband.Sam's my mom. Because she's frikken awesome. Cool, huh? I even have three kids. All girls. They're Meii, Michelle and Marina. Marina can't play DDR. But that's okay, 'cause I'm nagging her to be in an arranged marriage with Amani. xd He's awesome too. Except when he pinches you, it hurts. xp Here's some plugs. And maybe next time I'll post my Naruto one-shot, It Always Comes Down to This. I need to change it back to past tense, though. Present's too ugly and befuddling for me. Bleh. Meii's read it and even she doesn't have any idea what it's about, so I need to edit the text too. She's smart. And a real artsy person who's frikken awesome with scrapbooks and stuff. Awesome, like everyone else I know. heart That'll probably include you, mister reader-person, too. EDITNESS OF DOOM: Shmaa...Now I'm Samsie's mumsie. :3 So now you all have to call me Samsie's Mumsie, not Xylia or Xylie or Xylia-chan. HAA. Liz | Me | Sonja | Samara & Kaiya | Selene
Xylia-chan · Sun Dec 24, 2006 @ 01:59am · 0 Comments |
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