When you have everything but nothing at all.....
So You walk out in to the world left and right people say, "Hi" and greet you on this beautiful morning. You walk around a peaceful town and drive you nice car, but do you feel it, that something is wrong? Is there a hole in your heart a part that use to be filled? When you look and happy smiling people, do you think to yourself, "I feel ten times better than them"? When a happy couple, holding hands, walk by, do you think, "What a shame they are wasting their life"? Well do you?? I do ever since the end of summer's eve I felt this monster rise and tear my happy heart. This heart was light, care-free, and starving for fun, it didn't deserve to be torn in this awful way. My poor heart oh how I would trade in for Calicfer and his witty jokes. I feel like I have everything but really I have nothing at all. I know it is stupid and I know it is dumb, but all i want is someone to "love". Even though love is a loose term I really only mean someone to care about me and for me to care back. I tried before and failed so I gave up. I put it out of my mind but now it screams and bites and crawls its way back. Maybe its because she found someone to care for again, I feel like I deserve that much. I want something new and sweet and corny. Or maybe I need something else, a freedom so to speak or a way to breath freely without peers and family. But if I have the chance will I get what I want will I get my "love", my freedom, or my "way out". If you had this would you feel the same or would you feel unnerved or unswayed from your path, as if it is only a small trivial. I feel pathetic and small when compared to it all, I am invisible and unseen. The writhing monster crawls to my brain infecting it and moving things around I hear this voice it's slithering and mad, like Voldermort as his power grew. It tears my brain and numbs then causes it pain. Oh how this monster makes you feel so alone and weak. If you try to fight it do you know what happens? It will begin to kill you, this is what it is doing to me. Now the killing is not literally it is more of a figurative way. I think once the killing is through I will rise stronger like phoenixes do after their death. But the monster lives on inside my belly, heart, and head.
From inside the head of an infected mind, damn the society we were born in, damn the "love" I once felt and lost! Damn those fools who forced me to ignore this stuff so I could do what ever they need and who let this come and crawl on its slimy belly and hit me harder than before. Damn my tears that never come they are always they on the edge of my lids but never do they come forth and rid me of this awful pain, this pain of heartache and of betrayal. Will I sleep again, will I see that light at the end of my tunnel, will I find my form of true happiness? I have loads of friends, men and women, my home life is normal, I get what I need and sometimes more, I have fun and relax after those longs days. But as I read it and look back that seems like I have a great life and I should have a happy mind and heart. But why is it that I feel empty, a hole is gone from my breast my heart is empty, why do I feel nothing when I should feel something?
Thus ends my rant, If you have found the answer to my problems please inform me at once, If you seek an answer to yours seek me out.
By the by,
