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ok.


I may not be the greatest journal writer in the world. In fact im a generallly normal, not too popular, ordinary, not too great artist, blah blah blah person. i also tried to quite gaia several times, but failed.(due to my lack of self control) rofl

anywayy for the past few days ive been quite jealous(thus, the point of the journal title). My friends seem to be better than me evrytime, skinnier, prettier, funnier, smarter, more talented, has more friends..you know the kind of things that people get jealous for.

And then i went on deviantart to ease this jealousy pain(deviartart is a art community on the internet). Well, same thing.
I noticed how many good artists who were so much better than me, who take about 2 days to get 1000 more pageviews, and put not mch effort cuz their just born talented. and some ppl, arnt good artists but they seem to get watched or get more pgviews so much.
jealousy, again.

And then, my bloody "friend" was chatting to me on msn messenger, and he was showing his other friend pictures of him and his mates at the beach. We used to be pretty good friends once. I noticed, all his mates in the pics were the popular ignorant people in my year....And to think he used to be such a great normal guy.

groan...oh great, not only he seems more like a jerk, but i'm jealous because he can arrogantly BE a jerk.but i cant say for me.

why?! because i lack the ability to be better than anyone i know, and therefore i always end up suckin up to others. or walking behind others, or trying to at least walk side by side my other friends so i at least look like i fit in!

and then he does the great friend act of leaving whithout saying goodbye. scream

yeh, thats right. im jealous. so, is there any wrong in that!? why cant evryone be born with something their better than someone else?is that wrong? why cant evryone be the best in at least something? because im not the best in anything. there always seems to be someone else CLOSE to u who brings you down...like were meant to get jealous.

ALL THE TIME.

Then, when i get something i can be proud of, i look at someone else and cant help but be jealous of their happyness, in something else. Why does it have to be so hard, to just be happy?
To know that someone else loves you, or loves your efforts and talent.

i guess i may lack it after all, that kind of happyness. That probably what jealousy is, the lack of happyness, and then you see it in others and wish for that too...

Is it bad to wish happiynes for yourself?good question, but theres no correct answer.