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Easter Bunny-Hoarding Post |
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Hello. This is my Easter Bunny-Hoarding Post. The first thing I'm doing this easter event is to get all the bunnies out of the way. I want that damned achievement. I don't know why; I like feeling like I have e-bragging rights.
So sue me.
Happy Easter / Zombie Jesus Day!
 Nay-rinn · Mon Apr 18, 2011 @ 11:28pm · 0 Comments |
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Okay, I pulled up Winamp, and put it on shuffle. Apparently, this is...
The Soundtrack of my Life!
Opening Credits: Sarah McLachlan - Good Enough
Waking Up: 3 Doors Down - If I Could Be Like That
Falling in Love: Nightwish - Passion and the Opera
Fight scene: Nittle Grasper (Don't know the guy's name) - Shining Collection (WTF?)
Breaking up: Evanescence - Away From Me
Getting back together: Sixpence None the Richer - the Lines of my Earth
Secret Love: David Usher - Black Black Heart (Now THAT'S appropriate...)
Life's okay: Garbage - Medication (XD!)
Mental Breakdown: Sarah McLachlan - Angel
Driving: Nightwish - Elvenpath
Flashbacks: Sixpence None the Richer - Don't Dream It's Over
Happy dance: Saliva - Rest in Pieces (Whatever you say...)
Regretting: 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite
Long night alone: Alison Krause - That Kind of Love (Anyone who's seen the sixth season episode of Buffy entitled "Entropy" will love this...)
Final Battle: Jack Off Jill - Star No Star
Death scene: Trisha Yearwood - She's in Love with the Boy (Again... wtf?)
Ending credits: K's Choice - Virgin State of Mind
So there you have it. Damn my movie is screwed up. They keep playing love songs at inappropriate moments!
Nay-rinn · Mon Aug 14, 2006 @ 06:05pm · 0 Comments |
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So, all entries of a serious nature are being... shall we say, relocated? To my livejournal. http://naerynne.livejournal.com, if anyone is interested in my depressing rants.
This shall be relegated to amusement. Weird things to do, survey things, that sort of useless stuff shall be going in here.
Nay-rinn · Mon Aug 14, 2006 @ 05:56pm · 0 Comments |
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I know, I know. "Back for more bitching," you say? Well, yes. If you don't want to hear this, you shouldn't be here. You all KNOW I'm ******** up in the head.
So, a lot of those previous problems with Kaie have been fixed, solved, whatever. We're both much happier now. At least, as far as that's concerned. Kaie got herself set up in an apartment a couple of months ago, and I've been spending a lot of my time staying with her. In fact, I've been here for about two weeks now.
My mother bought a condo in Esquimalt - for all those who are not Victoria natives and therefore don't understand, Esquimalt roughly translates to "friendly neighborhood crackhouse. Oh, and ******** of military men." Naturally, she went there because the bars that she goes to where she attempts to convince herself she's not there to get drunk and pick up said military men are all in ESQ.
On the fourteenth of the month, Kaie has to be out of her apartment. Guess why? Her roommate abandoned her - threatening to press charges of rape and physical abuse on both her and I, and trespassing on myself - leaving her with more rent to pay than her total income. Thus, she is getting evicted. Luckily, said charges were never pressed - we can't actually afford to fight them, regardless of the fact that they have no basis. Whatsoever.
Now, put two and two together - on the fourteenth, Kaie gets to go couch hopping again for two weeks until - hopefully - she can find a place for August 1 with a friend of ours, James. If she can't, both she and James will be homeless, as he's already given notice to his current manager. I, in turn, get to go back to my mother's in Esquimalt, which is quite literally next door to a crackhouse. Seriously - the people who lived there just got arrested. Oh, and did I mention that there's a meth lab on the other side? Yes people - avoid the Esquimalt A&W. Again, right nearby.
I too, must find a place for August 1. A feat in itself, given that I have no income - my disability hasn't gone through yet - and am just barely eighteen. My (potential) roommate, who will be, like me, kicked out on the first, is still seventeen, and has a part time job at a fish and chip joint.
Right now, "life" is spelled "P-R-E-D-I-C-A-M-E-N-T".
Amusingly, there are tons of people whom I could stay with, even for extended periods of time. Not that I have any way to get to them, as I'm over here on the Canadian west coast, and most of them are in the central US. Or Europe.
So at this point, it looks like I'm right ********. So if I suddenly cease all communications on August 1, don't worry. I'm just homeless. It'll only last until I kill myself out of sheer exhaustion with life. I'm already getting closer to that point than any eighteen year old should ever be.
Heh, if I get twenty bucks maybe I can go up to Nanaimo and stay with my sister for a month. Be a hell of a lot better than crashing outside Johnny Zee's. Of course, then comes the matter of the twenty bucks...
Nay-rinn · Tue Jul 11, 2006 @ 08:55am · 0 Comments |
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So, I lost my job. Good news, got another one. Similar deal, but I won't be expected to go back and forth between till and kitchen, which should make it a little easier on me.
On another note... went over to a friend's house today to play DDR (she bought the PS2 version), had a lot of fun.
We get home, and Kaie starts apologizing all over the place to me, over the littlest things. Little bit after that, I find out why: She's feeling guilty because she's depressed and has to be on medication. Because she "can't give me a normal life" and she'll "never be able to be part of that kind of happy family and [she's] keeping me from it, too".
I freaked out, as it's my fault - naturally, I was the one who wanted to go over there in the first place - and came quite literally inches from cutting myself again. Not even inches. Millimeters.
I'm still feeling like crap, especially now that, all of a sudden, Kaie is ignoring me for the beloved computer, which is *mine* in the first place. She's talking to her friends online, pretending I don't exist...
So, yeah. Pretty ******** shitty right now.
Part of me is absolutely terrified that I'm going to have to break up with her. I don't want to... God, I don't want to. But I'm starting to feel the same way I did with Tass. I don't know if I can be with someone who's depressed. I don't know if I'm capable of it. It's got nothing to do with love, I know that much now. It's just... how can I sit here and watch someone be in pain, someone I love, and not do anything?
Because that's what she says; I can't do anything to help her, she needs to do it on her own. That's all well and good, but I don't know if I can hold on like that. And I'm getting worse. In some ways, I feel better, being with Kaie. I know that there's someone who will hold me, if I need to be held, who understands, who's been there - and who loves me, in spite of everything.
But how can I let her hold me, when it hurts her to do so? She wants to because I want her to, but I know it hurts her. It's a fine line between masculine and feminine, for her, and she hates anything that makes her feel too male. I understand that, really I do - but how do I know what does that? How do I stop it? And how can I get what I need without crossing those lines? I just don't know.
All I know is that this hurts, and this isn't working. Something has to give... God, I don't want to end it between us. I love her so much, just the thought of saying those words... makes my throat close up and my head pound. But I don't know if I have a choice.
Nay-rinn · Mon Apr 24, 2006 @ 07:55am · 0 Comments |
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So guess what? I've already called in sick to work the past two shifts, first because I was feeling like s**t in an overall sense, secondly because I lost my voice...
And it looks like I'm going to have to do it again. Because it looks rather like I've woken up in the middle of the night with an inner ear infection. Do you know what those are? Have you ever had one? Hurts. Like. Hell. Feels kind of like your ear is about to explode off your face.
After the initial period of "Oh my god, it's 4:00 am and my ear is DYING" type panic, I'm a little more calm. See, I don't like my ears being screwed around with. Of all the things one could screw around with, the chosen thing should not be the ears. Now I've got to keep my head tilted to the side to let this mysterious pain-inducing fluid drain back into my BRAIN, probably not the most brilliant of ideas, but I don't really care, because my ear is ON FIRE.
Now I'm not panicking, I just know I'm at rather high risk for losing my job, as fifty percent of my shifts I have now called in sick for, and we're soon to make that the majority. ********.
Looks like I won't be eating next month. Oh well, I needed to lose weight anyway.
Nay-rinn · Sun Apr 09, 2006 @ 12:57pm · 0 Comments |
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I had a discussion today with my father, about my AS. Now, keep in mind, darlings:
He is, for the most part, convinced that psychology and psychiatry as a whole is a load of - for lack of a better word - bullshit. Meaningless. Depressed? Just get over it!
For a long time he's been quite firmly saying (rest assured, I'm not reading between nonexistent lines!) that he doesn't believe that depression, ADHD (what it was believed I had before my AS diagnosis), AS, and anything else of a similar nature even exists. He'll only believe in it's existence if there is physical evidence that can be apparently seen. That the difference in the physiology of the brain between an AS person and an NT person is apparent through a cat scan means nothing, he can't see that. Epilepsy he believes in because it causes seizures. Down's Syndrome he believes in because it causes marked differences in speech patterns, growth patterns, etc.
So I'm trying to explain to him that AS is the same - you can see the physical ramifications - again, for lack of a better word - if you know what to look for. That outcast mentality, being an outcast, not fitting in to social hierarchies... it's all obvious if you *know*.
But he refuses to be told. He won't listen. Now, after this discussion, he's finally starting to - but now he's ranting and raving about how we (my mother and I) haven't kept him in the loop. He asks me questions like, "Do you think I would judge you for it? Did you think I'd hate you or something?" Quite frankly, yes. I did. And believe me, not without reason. The way he talks about people with mental difficulties - no matter what kind. Either they're making it up, or they should be locked up because they're entirely nuts.
So which is it, dad? Should I be locked up because I'm insane, or did I invent all those problems at school? Were the bullies just a figment of my imagination? Were the cruel names only sick fantasies in which I'm the victim? Because I'm pretty damn sure they actually happened.
Anyway: I don't really know what to do now. See, he's told me that he was fighting against me getting 'labeled' because he thought it would benefit me. He actually said that he was the one who wanted to 'prove there's nothing wrong with {me}'. Well there *isn't* anything wrong - there's just something different. That doesn't make me insane. It makes me me.
Nay-rinn · Mon Mar 27, 2006 @ 05:08am · 0 Comments |
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Nay-rinn · Thu Mar 23, 2006 @ 12:41am · 0 Comments |
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So guess what I found out?
My pregnancy was entirely psychological. I'm not having a baby. We know this because my uterus is backwards - it would be virtually impossible for me to get pregnant, even more so to carry to term, and if I did, everyone would know, as I'd start showing after 10 weeks.
So there will be no little Adrienne, no little Christopher... ever.
Just a *little* upset about that.
Nay-rinn · Wed Mar 22, 2006 @ 07:19pm · 0 Comments |
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