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*Fingers twitch over gun holsters*
Maybe... Too long.
DRAW!
"And Irving drew... Drew a picture of a cow."
That didn't fit in the subject line, but I had to get it out of my system. It has been a long time though... Over a year since I posted to this journal. As you can see, I had a realization recently. See, I knew that I want to be a girl. I've known that for years. I've had the female image all worked out, and have written several adventures concerning her and her less than legal activities, both in sexual and homicidal tendencies. However, judging from some of my more emotional rants, I still wanted to be a man for Shareena. Because she, now a he on here, is a she outside of the site and isn't lesbian. Any more.
Now, my realization was that this is a place where you are who you want to be. You are your image, and your image is you. I couldn't find anything that would allow your avatar to be a tentacle beast, so here I am as a woman instead.
Summer is almost over now. I'm going to have to go back to school in little under a month, I'm moving right around that time, and also Grandma and d**k are going on a camping trip... Right around the same time. ******** fun. I'm going to have a crazy start of the school semester, and on top of that I can't drop anything, and on top of that I have to pass all of my classes. If I don't, AR will remove me from being able to go to school there any more. That doesn't stress me out in the slightest.
I have some confidence in my ability, but I feel like I'm holding myself back or something. I feel like I'm being lazy, and my indecision is holding me back from being successful. But, I'm doing what I love to do. I love to sit around and play video games and D&D. I can't earn any money for that. I mean, all two of my players, and even one fellow DM says that I am an excellent DM. But that's not going to earn me any money. What am I going to do, work at a game shop? I don't think so... I'm afraid to apply for a job. I'm afraid of rejection, something I've already gone through on my first job interview. But, I suppose it's not like they're going to yell at me to get the hell out. It's hard to do that in person. I'll never apply to a job on the internet, that's for damn sure.
Thinking on that, though, it's kind of a funny paradox. I don't want to apply in person because walking into a place of business takes balls, balls that I don't have (well, I have them but don't want them...). Applying on the internet does not take any balls, because there is no interaction. However, in person, it takes balls to yell at you for being a stupid ********. This is something I do not want. On the internet, that is incredibly easy. So if I nut up, they'll shut up. And if I don't, I'll get flamed. Interesting, really. But, thinking about it in a clinical sense isn't going to get me anywhere.
I'm listening to the Original Soundtrack to Shadow of the Colossus. I just learned that there's going to be a new one, a third to the series, released later this year for the PS3. I gamergasm'd. I already expressed my want for one of those to my friends that have money, and so all I have to do is wait and see if it actually happens. If it doesn't, it'll just be another game that's out but I can't play... Like Starcraft 2, I think. I saw a counter that said it was coming out very soon, but I don't remember exactly when I saw that advertisement. I kind of forgot while watching "Under the Red Hood", which was an excellent movie by the way.
I have that feeling that I usually get about this point during a journal entry, that 'You haven't written enough yet! You're missing something! Get to it, a*****e!' feeling that comes from the back of my neck and the center of my chest. No, wait, the chest feeling was me needing to burp.
I got an email from Mandy... Again... Today. I answered it, like I usually do. She was just bitching about her unstable relationship life for a paragraph and a half. Nothing special. But I answered it with the slightly smug two sentences that I usually answer things like that with: Yeah, I'm still with Shareena. Yeah, it's been like that for longer than you've ever had a relationship with anyone in your life. Yeah, we love each other. Yeah, we're good to each other. What? You're jealous? Go suck wax fruit.
Makes me feel good to say things like that. Makes me nervous to have that kind of thing, makes me think that saying I have that good relationship is jinxing it, which makes me think that thinking I'm jinxing it is jinxing it... Ugh. That Teen Titans Villain needs to get off of my window sill. She's hot though... Especially in that one porn with Cyborg. Lol... I wrote porn with Cyborg... Cyborg and Beast Boy. And I thought my new Fan Fiction was bad. Bad on purpose, that is. Link and Amy Rose. Bad.
I've been playing a lot of and not enough D&D lately. A lot of it in general, but not enough with Dad. I mean, it's a really exciting thing to do with him, but I don't do it enough. I need to have a second campaign with just him and I, so that the two of us can have a campaign when Shareena doesn't want to play. Of course, that would bring the total number of campaigns I am involved in to 5... I don't know if I could handle five campaigns at once. Of course, they don't all happen at once, so I can just work on one at a time...
A pop up just appeared on my screen about halfway through that last sentence. That annoyed the hell out of me! It's like: "Excuse me, user, but I would like to ask you if I can set a cookie on your computer." and I go "******** your cookie! Shove it up your a**!" and it says "Certainly, sir" and turns into Alfred and walks out of the room and I go back to playing Solitaire or Guitar Hero or some such s**t. I don't know.
Anyways... I have three with Shareena and I. Danil & Morgan's Happy Fun Time, the one where she's a carpenter, and this new one where I'm a druid. I've got the Spirit Power campaign, which is kind of falling flat, and then this new one would bring me to five. But I don't want it to be like that. What I should do is draw up a small town in one of the archipelagos around the edges of my World Map, preferably on an island, and then just go from there. Give him a small dungeon to test his worth, and just go from there. I'll let him be whatever he wants...
There's another popup. From the same damn site, no less. Oh, if I wasn't annoyed before, I am now. If Alfred wasn't so damn good with a shotgun, I'd punch him Square in the face.
Then again, it's more work for me... Then again, it's good clean excitement for him... But do I suggest it now, and play with him over the course of the week, or do I wait for after the two week camping trip? I mean, it's not like I can get a bus ride to Modesto... Not to mention all the other s**t I'll have going on around that time.
It seems that this is a no-win situation. So, how do I make the best of it? The moving thing is something I can work on now, so as to lessen the frantic pace later. Or, I could start at a frantic pace now and maybe finish in time for the final move date. It's a month away. I don't think it's going to need that frantic of a speed. I mean, I've never had to be that frantic about it before... I just start early and do a bit at a time. And then do about two nights in a row of PACKPACKPACKPACK so I guess I do frantic it and procrastinate. Hell if I know.
I think this post is officially tl;dr, but I don't give a s**t. I don't give a s**t if it is read or not, I don't give a s**t if it's commented on, and I certainly don't give a s**t about what you think about it. I'm doing this for me. No, I don't think anyone cares about my small life. Most of the time, I'm too engaged in something else to care about my life. And when I am caring about it, it's usually in the middle of something else too. A boring section in GTA: San Andreas, driving around trying to get to a place or some such thing. I beat that game recently, by the way. Finally beat it, legit, without cheats or anything. I thought it was going to have a more 'shoot shoot bang kill' ending rather than the final car chase, but I guess killing Big Smoke was fun. Killing Polaski was more fun. I emptied a clip of an M4 into his head at point blank range and he just sat there, trapped under the wheel of his car, and took it. To the face. That was satisfying.
That airplane mission was satisfying as well. Hell, I know why that game is rated 10/10. I'm glad I have it.
I think I'm done. That feeling of 'no you aren't you stupid b***h, keep typing' hasn't gone away yet, but I don't think it ever would. I'm going to go on Kongregate.
 Thorn the Mighty · Sun Aug 08, 2010 @ 11:03pm · 0 Comments |
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