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A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
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An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(You've got to love military time!)
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1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
 ashiig · Sun Jun 03, 2007 @ 08:02am · 0 Comments |
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Nah, I'm fine. ^^ I've just got a great girl on my mind nearly 100% of the time. Even if it makes me seem down and distant on the outside, I haven't been happier in a long long time.
Pirates < Ninjas
Ttyl
The Bard
ashiig · Sat Oct 21, 2006 @ 11:46pm · 0 Comments |
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NEW Quiz for meh friends. |
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Ok, the old one got deleted somehow, so here goes:
Questions 4 my friend ^_^
AM I-
Am I sweet?-
Am I crazy?-
Am I lovable?-
Am I funny?-
Am I ugly?-
Am I psycho?-
Am I annoying?-
Am I a good person?-
2)******Would You******
Hug me?-
Miss me if i was gone?-
Listen to my problems?-
Hug me if i cried?-
Be a good friend?-
3)******If You Could...******
Give me a new name it would be?-
Hook me up with someone who would it be?
Hook me up with a celeb who would it be?-
Do one thing with me it would be?-
Drop me one piece of advice it would be?-
4)******Just A Few Questions******
What do you like about me?-
What do you hate about me?-
What is my best quality?-
1. Who are you?- a friend
2. Do you have a crush on me?-
3. Are we good friends?-
4. Do we know each other in real life?-
5. Am I hot?-
6. Is my avatar hot? (oO)-
7. Whats your fav. kind of music?-
8. Will you put this in your journal so i can answer these questions about you!?-
ashiig · Tue Mar 28, 2006 @ 10:09pm · 5 Comments |
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FBLA Web Pages of Helpful stuff... |
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My monthly mental splurge. |
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Recently I stumbled upon a new flash movie, (For reference, it can be found at http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/1851) entitled The Bard's Song. Hearing this song is making me think, and I'm just going to write here what I think. The bard in this flash is singing not specifically about the warrior shown, but he does reference to his story. What he is really singing about is how the actions of brave men are kept in the minds of those who tells the story. He tells how these teller of tales cannot help but tell it, how they are vessels for this story. That no one should ask for the name of the one who tells the tale. In his mind, the stories are replayed over and over, until he can fully imagine the beauty of it (You can infer this from the ending, where he smiles as the warrior and his love are reunited.) I admit, this song makes me feel both adventurous and humble at the same time. It is a beautiful song, in my mind.
Once again, I'd just like to say, that I had to write this. My character, Ashiig, is a bard, and as with all good characters, I've taken some things away, forging a small part of my own character from him. Sound crazy, stupid, or gay? Well, either you are completely yourself on Gaia (an amazing feat, please PM me telling me so) or you are unaware of it.
ashiig · Sat Mar 11, 2006 @ 07:16pm · 0 Comments |
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More Story Shent. The weapons as I describe them. |
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Kalamander & Incune (a.k.a. Gauntlets of Fire and Ice): Two steel gauntlets bearing no gems or intricate detail. The only visible clue as to their identities is the bright red (Kalamander) and blue (Incune) coloring on the metal of the gauntlets.
Contain the ability to create and control both fire (Kalamander) and ice (Incune) that extends and retracts from the fingers of the appropriate Gauntlet. Controlled through mental processes, no keywords or motions are required to activate either.
The gauntlets have often been used in war. Their most obvious use being to extend the power in the form of a blade and use it as a simple melee weapon. More obscure are their ability to encase a held weapon in the element of the similarly equipped glove (Kalamander covers the right hand, while Incune covers the left.), and their ability to launch the element at an opponent (This is achieved through creating an incredible amount of the element without releasing it. The pressure of the entirety being released at once is what propels the projectile.)
The current locations of Kalamander and Incune are as follows:
Kalamander: Ashiig Alric Animya*
Incune: Ashiig Alric Animya*
*The control of both Kalamander and Incune grants extra abilities, outside of the ones detailed above.
Other notable controllers of the gloves:
Kalamander:
Tulin (No other information known)
Incune:
None defined.
Sword of Zolet: A longsword made of obsidian steel, with silver runes along the blade and hilt.
>more to come<
ashiig · Mon Mar 06, 2006 @ 02:06pm · 0 Comments |
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Message to Kenji, Mathias, and Rester, among others: |
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To whom it may concern,
Well dude, you'll probably never read this, but if you do, maybe it'll help ya out.
First off, all those times I listened to you, all those times I asked you to tell me what was up, all those times I told you that if anything was ever wrong, that you should tell me, all those times, it was because I wanted to know. I wanted to know because you are a good guy, and it's a bad thing when bad things happen to good people.
You are no lost cause. No one is a lost cause so long as they're alive. You can't be sure you'll have problems forever, in fact the only thing you can be sure of is that you will not. To be honest, the only things I've seen wrong with you is a long series of shitty experiences, and the wrong attitude in dealing with them.
Like I said, you'll probably never read this, but I hope you do.
It may be the right thing though, quitting Gaia, so if that what is right by you, then do it. No one can tell you what the right path is except you. Perhaps there is no right path.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. If that didn't make you laugh, then you need to cheer up. Also, for a little seriousness, remember that from every bad thing that happens, at least one good thing comes from it, although it may be invisible to you.
Conflict breeds one of two things: Strength or Weakness. These need not be always physical words. There is such a thing as Mental Strength, Spiritual Strength, and more.
If you think I'm throwing out a bunch of sayings and advice, you're right. Perhaps you could do well with a little philosophy in your life. A little history. The wisdom of those who have come before holds more pertinance to the present then most can see.
Don't eat yellow snow. It is a conflict that has no bright side.
If you're still reading this, good. That means I didn't waste all that time writing it.
Finally, Kenji, Mathias, Rester, dude, you've had alot of names over the years, but remember this; I'm your bro whether you're on Gaia or not, and if you really need to talk, just call. I'll figure out a way to listen to you. Because I want to.
Sincerely your bro and friend,
James Smith
Ashiig Alric Animya
Bard/Psychologist/Friend
Enclosure
ashiig · Wed Mar 01, 2006 @ 01:58pm · 2 Comments |
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