Whenever Aliens appear, two things always seem to follow: cows and conspiracy theories. Both of these things have been taking Gaia by storm in the past week!
Rancher Bill's boneheaded, good-for-nothing son made another one of his trademarked errors in gate operation, resulting in a disastrous COW SPILL! Cows are now littering the Gaia world map, and ol' Rancher Bill has been way too lazy to corral them. Doesn't he know that aliens are afoot? History has proven time and again that the cow has no greater enemy than the alien (except the hamburger).
More disturbingly still, crop circles have been popping up on the world map! Are they the work of aliens, or do Rancher Bill's cows just have extremely precise grazing patterns? Oh, come on, that's just stupid! Of course they're the work of aliens!
Gaians have been going absolutely wild with conspiracy nuttiness regarding Gaia's most famous man, millionaire actor Ron Bruise. What's with Ron and his apparent love of the number 19? Is it mere coincidence, or evidence of something larger? What does 19 mean, if it means anything at all? To lend more weight to the already shocking evidence, allow me to delve into Ron Bruise's personal biography and bring light to some shocking facts:
* Ron Bruise owns 19 chinchillas.
* Ron Bruise owns exactly 19 shoes. "But that's an odd number of shoes," you might say; "shouldn't there be a 20th shoe?" That's exactly what he wants you to think.
* When Ron Bruise was 19 years old, he fell out of a tree and broke his right collarbone in 19 places; he was hospitalized for 19 days, and 19 doctors attended to him. He ran up a bill of $19,000.
* Ron Bruise has TEN fingers and TEN toes, but there is only ONE Ron Bruise. TEN plus TEN minus ONE is… you guessed it!
* Ron Bruise blows Mariah Carey out of the water with his ear-shattering 19-octave vocal range. He can sing high enough that only dogs can hear it, and low enough to guide errant ships through the fog.
* When we went through Ron Bruise's trash, we found 19 discarded back-issues of Field & Stream.
* I don't have enough time to write 19 of these facts, but just pretend I did (and go nuts about it!)
Nah, now that I think about it, that's all probably just coincidence.
THIS JUST IN: Holy magnolias! Flying saucers have appeared over Gaia Towns! Stay indoors! Batten down the hatches! Hide the cats! Put tarps over the cows! Run for your liiiiiiiives!
 Natallias Mask · Fri Jul 20, 2007 @ 07:26pm · 0 Comments |
