Good Evening World,
It's time for another year to have it's end, or school year at least. I'm so stoaked for summer however, I'm left to think that my years are slipping by. Where did they go? I still can remember the days when I was 4 and I didn't have drama to worry about.
Oh Well, s**t Happens.
Man, my last post regarding being excited about Gears 2 is lame. Gears 2 sucked and I know it's like 7 months after it came out, but still GOW original was far better than this crap. I can't imagine what the third one is going to be like.
I'm happy to say I finished my year strong with a 90 on my math exam when I was failing with a 47 just in March. (Yeah That's Right. cool ) and I'm happy to be out of the s**t hole I was bound in.
This is what I mean.
I suppose feeling the way I did before was slightly easier than this, because it was a feeling I had been certain of. A feeling I was capable of understand why I felt that way. I’ve now been not only suffocating within the walls I stand in but I can breathe an edge of fresh air at the same time, making me go mad and insane knowing there’s a way but I can’t find the way out. It seems like in this box I’m stuck in, difference occur of the ceiling slowly working its way down. I can see it knowing my time it limited and will end soon to crush the life out of me. While my time is so fair and limited I want to breathe again and enjoy the sound of peace except the walls have bound me inside where I’m unable to even see light anymore. I’m torn and confused and happy and sad and angry, a product of madness.
If the radiance of my happiness is able to push out the ceiling perhaps I wouldn’t have so much to worry about, though as I grieve and feel confused it’s like I’m pulling down on that surface with all my strength. Pulling with such extreme force that by the time it’s moved significantly lower I’m out of energy and I feel like as I stand at the bottom of the box I just hope for it to simply come down at a faster pace because the insanity prevailing within my mind has overwhelmed and is swelling my brain. I absorbed even factors I wish to cut out of my system. The only way I could do this is by suppressing the memories. Which at this point, was a waste of energy as they’ve come back to haunt me again.
This is possibly one of the worst places to be stuck in, because not only are you insane with the idea that perhaps this box your locked in has a conscious and is able to ******** with your mind but you are meant to stand for the rest of your life given no rest because there’s no room. You’re able to understand your surroundings without even being involved. As you are contained you are not meant to be involved either, but only thought of in the process. There is no evident fact that you are even capable of making a change. Suppose it's like fate but with hatred combined for your life. In which makes you entirely useless.
I am useless...
I am bound to be still within the walls of my life. I can only suffocate on my own and I will always stand alone in the box. May humans believe we are meant to interact, may they believe we are a purpose and given kind that no man has ever seen before, intelligent and far beyond ordinary, and may they believe in faith and gods in order to feel comfort during their struggles. It is not anything that we can prove. It’s what we choose to hold on for because we have nothing else to grasp onto. Understand this is not sympathic message, this is just a vivid idea I spend my nights imagining, to fill my time with dim-witted needs as for the rest of you all do so very well too.
What Can I Say? Deviant Minded?
 CrispMatter · Thu Jun 11, 2009 @ 12:42am · 0 Comments |
