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Have you ever felt imprison inside a promise that you made years before when you were just a little girl about five? I know that everybody does, but ends up breaking it in the near future or so. Because this promise is something that you can't keep and its what you want. It doesn't feel right, so you have to keep it a secret or just have to tell that certain person you made that promise--whatever-it-is. I made promises and few were broken, while others are fulfilled at the right due or late. There's one promise that I certainly kept in my head and heart, even though I want to break it. This promise is between my mom and I.
I made a promise to my mom about the whole-having-relationship is a big "NO, NO". Boys, boys, cute boys, handsome boys, sexy boys just passed by my eyes and were memorized in my heart, and i shy away from them. But it doesn't mean that my eyes never averted towards them again, or that I want to see them up-close/again. Piles of guys stacked up in a piece of paper, which MIGHT have had surprise everyone, because I was still a first grader. I couldn't tell them, but I was able to befriend them.
Years passes and I watched or listen to friends about their "relationship-life". Heard about their happiness, sadness, loneliness, and their heartbroken. And how they made that same promise and still go out with the guy without telling his or her parents. How does it feel to have those feelings when its comes to this huge challenge between two opposite sex? It must not be that hard, right?
So I did my research by observing and listen carefully. I "perfectly" understand how a relationship begin and ends, even in between. And maybe the word "like" or "love". I want to have this so called "relationship" and determine--with little confidence in the end--to break the promise; however, I didn't and kept the promise until the days I have given up on it.
I thought I gave up, until one man flashed in front of me and I fell a little. A year or two and I thought I gave up until I fell real deep into those eyes of his. But I doubt my feelings, and didn't understand anything at all. So I question about it and asked for answers. Maybe you might help? What is love? How can you be sure that its coming from your heart not from your head? Why is he so damn hot?!
I confronted him with a letter and waited for the rejection. I guess, his rejection is not say anything. Strange? It is...
Half of the promise is fulfilled and I have a chance to get one of my own real relationship, but I don't one. Even though years before, I desperately wanted one, I didn't wish to have one now. My only wish now is freedom under the strict protection of my parents. Nevertheless, my heart still beats for the man I like--not confirmed yet.
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Is this a waste of time?
If yes, then sooorryy, but it isn't my fault that you read it and wasted your precious time rolleyes ...
If it isn't, then I thank you for reading this. *bows*
 Kirisi Darkness · Wed Nov 19, 2008 @ 04:52am · 1 Comments |
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