I am 14 years old .
When I was 4 , my father took his own life because he was facing a life time in prison .
I didn't understand it .
I do now ;
But I was a four year old .
How was I too know what was going on ?
I was in Dallas when It happened , making christmas ornaments with my mom .
November 30th ..
We got a phone call at about 2:00 that night .
.. They had found him dead in a bathtub .
He had overdoesed .
My mom had a break down ;
She was screaming and crying and I still didn't know what was wrong .
For the next 3 years of my life , my mom involved herself with many men .
And got me a babysitter .
Her name was Chelsea .
When I was only 6 , she would lock me in my closet when mom was at work and invite people over .
She strapped me too a chair and made me watch horror movies .
Then she would tell me , 'If you tell your mom, a monster will come take you away . Noone will hear you screaming . Not even mommy ."
I was 6 ; I still didn't know any better .
A year later , she was involved with a guy named Gary .
He lived with us ; And was harboring a criminal .
our home was raided and she was arrested .
I was at school that day .
Since our home was within 2000 feet of the school . we had too be put on lock down .
My home was on the news and my moms face was on the front page of the newspaper .
Later that year ; I had a birthday party .
I invited my whole class .
None of my friends' parents let them come too my party .
And i was completely alone .
I got a nervous eating habbit . I was afraid too be alone . I had abandment issues .
I gained a lot of weith and none of the kids at my school liked me .
They made fun of me .
I often went home after school everyday and cried .
I was only 8 .
Today , my mother is homeless and has warrents in both Oklahoma and Texas .
I fear for her life .
We hardly get too talk .
And she has too steal too survive .
This is my life .
I don't like it much ;
But I cant change it .
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