Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

a
b
c
For awhile, I thought I have found the love of my life. It's been a year since I last wrote here (refer to the last journal entry -- sad, depressing, emo-ish). I thought I'd never smile again. Until I met him....

He made me feel special in his own little way. He's given me hope for another day. He brightened my smile like the sunshine's ray. He changed my life, made it different than yesterday.

I woke up this morning only to read a message that he has broken up with me. It felt like a punch in the stomach and being gagged but I'm not close to dying. I want to cry but I can't. Is this karma? Why do bad things happen to me on August? Why do I have to have my heartbroken again after I've picked up the pieces and glued them together only to be shattered just like that? Am I over-reacting?

I wish he could've told me when we were both online rather than leaving a message just like that. I felt betrayed. Why is it that every time I become too attached to someone, that is when he would break my heart?

So many questions in my mind, I need answers. But who should I ask? Did I do something wrong? Was it me? Will there be anything I could do to make him come back to me?

i need constant attention. but i dont want too much of it. all i want is ur concern. i want assurance that u'll always there for me.

i want someone to hug. i want someone who will want to stay in my life and never leave me.

my most fervent wish: to have someone to hold, to have someone to love and to have someone love me back & appreciate me. i'm tired of guys who just want to play around. it's fun, i know... but i'm not interested anymore. i'm done playing. it's time to be serious now. i hope i can find someone who'd want to be serious too. i'm tired of waiting...

i'm tired i wanna rest. i've lived my life long enough already. there's nothing more left to do. it's time that i rest... rest forever...

goodbye cruel world, i leave u with all my heartaches and frustrations behind...

i'm just a passerby. ppl i meet wont remember me when i'm gone. i dont care. i want to rest. i'm tired of walking on this planet, i got nowhere to go.

will my life be a testimonial of how cruel the world may seem? or will i be an inspiration for others to go on living? life is tough, i'm tired & i wanna rest my weary soul.

is this my pathetic cry for help? if so, will anyone hear me? can someone be brave enough to climb down the ravine & help me up? or should i be brave enough to find a ledge to hoist me up and lift myself from this abyss?

maybe, that's all i need, a ledge, doesnt matter how small as long as it can hold me & I can climb back up. but how do i find it? the place is so dark, how do i find the light?

they say there's a silver lining in every cloud, there's light in every dark tunnel. where's that silver lining? where's that light? will i be able to find it or is it hiding from me? not wanting to be found?

won't it be so wonderful if a guy sings this to you when you're so mad at him? it would make me forgive him easily...

Ne-Yo
When You're Mad


It's just the cutest thing
When you get to fussing (cussing)
Yelling and throwing things
I just wanna eat you up
I don't mean no disrespect
When I start staring
Knowing that it makes you madder
I'm sorry but seeing you mad is so sexy

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I'm not sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
When you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
When we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

Baby, don't think I don't take you seriously
But I just can't help the fact that your attitude excites me (so exciting)
And you know ain't nothing better
Then when we get
Mad together and have angry sex (I'll blow you out)
Then we forget what we were mad about

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I'm not sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus 2x]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
When you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
When we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy

Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
When you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
When we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

u always come back into my life exactly when i need u the most. ur like my angel, who pulls me out of the dumps, who saves me from damnation. u make me confident enough to weather the storm. and when the sea is calm and the storm has died down, that's the time u say goodbye and leave me to go on with my life. u said goodbye to me the other day. i wonder if i have to be in deep s**t again so u'll come back... will u come back this time? or leave me for good? even though u offer no help to lighten the situation, ur presence alone is enough for me to have strength to carry on...

i can sum up my life in this song...

eensy weensy spider went up the water spout
down came the rain and washed the spider out crying
out came the sun and dried up all the rain
and the eensy weensy spider went up the spout again biggrin

i feel like the spider right now... i got to meet someone, we had fun for awhile but then down came the rain, i was washed out and fell down and got hurt. i cried and all that.
right now, i wish someone could be my sun so i can go up the spout again and be happy... sigh...

will i be happy again...??? crying crying crying

or should i just say goodbye to the cruel world? gonk