Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am sure no one is going to read this so I guess I'll reveal my secrets...I am a thirty-seven thousand-year-old three-toed-sloth from the future. I was born in Ecuador...which is on Venus (everyone knows that) in the year 1492, the same year Columbus sailed the ocean blue and found a direct path to China. I have a distinct fondness for kosher dill pickles...I don't know why, I just do.
Did you know I was the first man on the moon? It was on March 12, 1854. The Galactic Honey and Pencil Amalgam had a hit on me because they thought I had stolen their prototype Chew and Spew. In all actuality, it was Columbus who stole it (did you know he's also from Ecuador?) and hid it in China. The GHPA didn't realize this for 362 earth years. But seeing that Columbus framed me I decided to hide on the moon. There I found an amazing treat--the pickle. I've loved them ever since.
The Roswell Incident was me, so, as a cover, the United States government said that in South America, a strange, slow-moving animal exists and is called a three-toed-sloth. They even tried to trick people into believing Ecuador is on Earth! What came of the prototype? Well Columbus is credited with discovering non-perishable food, which he coined "hardtack." And as we all know, when you chew hardtack, you spew.
There is a reason I have traveled 37,000 years to talk to you. You see, you are all in grave danger. The GHPA is planning their revenge. They will destroy you. Being a sloth from Ecuador, Venus, I am completely trustworthy. So, I am here to tell you how to save humanity. And that way is...