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Well let's do a quick update.
I hate the people I'm living with at the moment, or more my aunt.
I got a job at an office supply store.
I've discovered that people really are idiots when it comes to what people working for a larger corporation are able to do.
Oh yeah, I'm engaged and going to be getting married in the next 2-3 months.
That's pretty much my life for the last 7-8 months...
 nightsongs · Fri Jun 08, 2007 @ 05:36am · 0 Comments |
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Everything feels so empty
I feel so lost
I wanted things to go right for once
Was I asking too much
I really don't know
Maybe it's how my life is supposed to go
Mixed up and confused
Someone shoot me
nightsongs · Fri Dec 01, 2006 @ 04:32am · 0 Comments |
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I watched the snow fall today and I couldn't help but think of the way people are. We come in all sizes and shapes, and no two are alike, but more than that, it's the way we are. We dance around spinning our way through life not ever quite sure of where we're going to land. Our lives are at the mercy of uncontrolable forces we're thrown like snowflakes in the wind. At the end of our lives we are like snow that has fallen. We become part of somethig more than ourselves, more than we could've been when we were alive.
nightsongs · Wed Nov 29, 2006 @ 02:45am · 0 Comments |
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I'm left alone to my own devices. Left alone to cry in the blinding darkness, or are thoes my tears? I can never tell any more, it's all a blur, all pretend. I thought that I knew the answer, all I knew was a lie. I look at my life, shattered and confused. I thought that you made sense but I was wrong. You hurt like everything else, like everyone else. I want to pour out all my frustrations, all my hurt, all my rage. I've been blinded I couldn't see the lies ofr what they were and I'm just now starting to see the truth. I think it's the truth anyway, but what the ******** do I know I'm just here along for the ride hoping not to fall off. I used to hope for someone who would catch me and tell me that it was ok. Now I know you can't count on anyone anymore, no one can be trusted, everyone lies.
So what do I do now? Do I let it go. . .no, I couldn't do that, it'd be like loosing a part of myself. I could seek revenge, epecially when it's so easy, I could hurt you forever, make you cry if I'm lucky with half of the pain I've been caused. Could I do that. . .no, as much pain as you've caused me I don't want to see you cry, I couldn't be that curel. So what do I do...I sit here alone and think, always thinking, if only you knew of what.
nightsongs · Wed Nov 15, 2006 @ 12:27pm · 0 Comments |
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I want to let it go I want to let it out, but I can't
I sat and almost cried it hurt it burned inside
I couldn't see but the tears wouldn't fall
I don't know why, I wanted to cry I wanted to get it all out, but nothing
The only thing I felt was nothing, I want to feel
Damn it even if it's pain I want to feel
Am I really this hollow is there really nothing to me.
People are supposed to feel, right?
I want to feel I want to cry I do but nothing came
Now I can't even cry in pain, or maybe I can I just haven't tried hard enough.
Is this love? Is this what it means to give your heart to someone?
Does it mean that they can break your heart over and over again
and you come back everytime hoping that maybe you'll learn to cry again
Hoping that you'll be good enough for them someday that you'll mean something to them even if only a little?
Is that love if it then I'm it and its worth every minute every heartache, every tear that never falls and the few that do
All of the hurt all of it is not feeling part of love do you stop feeling except for the pain and then nothing.
Are you supposed to sit for hours wanting to cry but not being able to?
Is this love, if not than what is it and what is love?
nightsongs · Sun Sep 10, 2006 @ 11:42pm · 1 Comments |
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Love is blind. I've heard that before but it's also true that Justice is blind. It seems funny that two of the things that we value the most are blind or so called. Is it maybe the fact that it's not so much blind as misunderstood. I personally believe that justice is blind because we have blinded it with our bias and hatred I can see why she would want to be blinded to what we have corrupted her to serve as. Love is blind but hwy what have we done so that love would turn away and wish not to see us. Is it the way we act? Is it the fact that chivalry is truely dead? What have we done to blind love or cause her to blind herself? Which one is it, either way we are to blame. I believe that love has forsaken us and we are lost without her I hope to bring her back from being blind to seeing the beauty that still remains in the human heart but perhaps I am too late.
nightsongs · Wed Aug 23, 2006 @ 05:39am · 1 Comments |
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My heart tells a story, one of grief, pain and sorrow. My heart tells me to do things that hurt, my heart likes it. I cry from pain that no weapon can make, that no force can heal. I feel a rage that isn't wrought from hate, but from tears. I feel a sadness that creeps over my body like a hunger waiting to consume me when my body and soul have filled with all the anguish I can take. I feel my skin fill with longing, sorrow and most of all pain, pain is where everything starts. I wonder if I would die without pain, do I depend on it so much that if I didn’t feel it I would die. I wonder this often, I set myself up for pain knowingly, and why, I gain nothing from it but more pain. It’s all a game and my heart loves it, I love it. Being torn to pieces every waking moment is the most beautiful thing in the world, to feel your soul shrink away until you just don’t care. Then sometime during the night it somehow cares again, just to do it all over again the next day. It’s wonderful to know that you will die everyday only to live again at night when your mind is gone. My mind is smarter than me it hates it. I am a creature of the heart so I love it, because my heart does, I mean it must it does it to me everyday.
nightsongs · Wed Aug 02, 2006 @ 05:59am · 0 Comments |
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Eyes heavy with unshed tears
A heart torn to peices laying on the floor
Trembling hands knowing what's coming next
Pain nothing but pain
there is no escape
Don't believe the lie
Time dosn't cure all
All time does is take away little bits and peices of your life
Time is a thief that you can't fight
Our lives are moments moments that mean nothing by themselves
Put them together and you might get somethign that people will remember for a long time
sometimes nothing but sorrow and heart ache
Life, a interesting consept, a happy life a novel I dea, but it doesn't happen like that life isn't a fairy tale.
nightsongs · Sat Jul 29, 2006 @ 08:07pm · 0 Comments |
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Life's betrayal
Life's lie
Everything will be alright
Nothings alright
Nothings ok
Only nightmears to guide my way
Torn apart inside
Whole on the outside but for how long
When will the end come for it will
The end to all the fantasies
The order will fall into chaos
Lost to everyone and everything
Lost to life
Born to the grave
Forever in silence
Forever to sleep in the cold ground
The only refuge
The only constant
Cold unyeilding and sure
Death will surround you
Claim you as it's own
Lost to memory
Lost to love to everything
Lucky ones will die when death claims them
We are the unlucky we are already dead
Mourn us for no one else will.
nightsongs · Sat Jul 15, 2006 @ 07:43am · 0 Comments |
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