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Shattered Hope This journal will have things i dont quite share with my family it will be a part of me i myself hide

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Why is it so hard to lose a friend? Why do they just come and go? i wonder what i did wrong to lose him. Was it because i told him i hate him, was it that i tried to not listen..or was it because it hurt so much to know he could never love me...if i could go back in time...i which i would have never met him...that way i wouldn't have fallen in love with him...that way it would have been less hard to deal with all this pain...that way i wouldn't have to feel this....Or if i could have the guts to apologize...maybe he will come back...but why is it so hard for me to accept he is what he is...why??? I hate myself for not understanding ...but i hate him most when he once promised we would always be together and that i would always be number one in his life..why?....why did he lie to me? i feel betrayed in some way...and then other times i feel like im not me anymore...am i losing myself again...will i have to see those high superior monsters again...will they tell me i can't go home again...why did you leave me?...why couldn't we stay the same forever...why did he come into our life's and destroy us apart...now your nothing more than just a memory...but if you forgive me now perhaps...it will be the same...well no it wouldn't be the same...he will still be number one... am i right...and i will always be number two....but just for heavan's sake i will tell you you are at the bottom of my list... but i might as well tell you that list doesn't exist...so your just as well dead to me as any one else from my family...your just as dead as all those people who promised to help me...you are one of those people that stabbed me in the back...and left me to die....guess what??? i am dying...i am dying...and now i am dead...

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