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yo this the second book i wrote... |
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they say it not betta than the first...but hey... it still good
Chapter 1
So I woke up from my hibernation and the first thing I do is go meet some ladies. It was a hot sweaty day and there was this UGLY fat chick who thought she was cute but she looked like a sack of chicken grease. She was walking down the street and everything was in slow-motion. Good-god it was scary! I think I cried, and threw up, and cried throw-up... I did it all! I don’t know what that chick eat but I think it’s some salty French fries dipped in sour-cream and oil dipping sauce. I saw her at a restaurant last year eating… NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, and I mean EVER, bring a fat chick to a place that has a sign that says, “All You Can Eat.” Because that to them means “All Anyone Can Eat” or “All You Can Cook”… heck maybe both! But what was weird is I saw her on January 2, and January 3, and January 4, and Jan- well you get the idea, But I think this chick is stalking me, I hope she not waiting for the right time to eat me when I’m asleep, In that case... I have to learn how to sleep with my eyes open. Or rest one eye for 8 hours, the other eye for eight hours, and rest my third eye, the one that can shoot A-1 Steak Sauce out of it… yum, for 8 hours. Yea... that just might work… or maybe she’ll eat me when I am blinking…. OH NO!!!!!
CHAPTER 2
I tried the resting my eyes for 8 hours thing and it worked! She came but she didn’t eat me. I’m so happy. But one of her old boyfriends met up with in the dark alley…. Oh god no! just kidding, not like that. But he did tell me something that I paid no clue to. But the worst part is he was wearing a bra… whoa… none of my business just keep on walking. I went into the store in which I saw Alfredo. This guy is using me to get into my story... but whatever. Now I get home and the doorbell rings. I open the door and its MTV CRIBS. So I am showing them the house and I say. “This is the Bathroom… the toilet on the left (under Alfredo), the shower on the right, and the sink in front of you.” Then we entered the next room and I say, “This is my room… the magazine rack on the left, next to the toilet (under Alfredo), the computer on the right, next to the sink, and the bed in front of you, next to the shower.” Then we leave and enter a different room. “This is my living room. The China on the left, next to the magazine rack and toilet (under Alfredo), the photo albums on the right, next to the computer and sink, and the table right in front of you, next to the bed and shower.” Then we leave and go to the outside. I am showing them my cars. “This is my Ferrari, this is my Benz, this is my Escalade, and this is my Chevy Impala… and please don’t pay attention to the words that says HOT WHEELS under it... please don’t.” They cameras crew left and to tell you the truth I think they like, no scratch that, LOVE my house.
Chapter 3
I found a locker room pass on the floor of the Lakers Stadium. Even though the picture was some white and nerdy guy that looked like this…
But hey... the security guard let me in so I went in and I saw Shaq and Kobe singing some very freaky song it went like this
Shaq: Kobe you are a naughty naughty boy. Naughty Naughty Naughty boy, why you break my heart. I always pass you the ball, and u always does your part.
Kobe: I am a naughty boy but you r a nasty boy. U nasty, nasty boy, I am not your toy! We r not friends, we r foe, now let the hating show.
Shaq: I have a feel of HATERISM all around u. Have u been drinking haterade too?
Kobe: Get out my face. Or I’ll spray u with mace.
Shaq: u drink Kool-Aid Jammers and u go out with Hannah Montana.
Kobe: do not put my business out! Or I’ll pop u in your mouth!
Shaq: don’t make me step on u. U r smaller than my shoe.
Kobe: Yes that may be true but… u… u... u are ugly... and your breath stinks!
Shaq…
Shaq: that didn’t even rhyme! U r just a waste of time.
And then they start fighting again… COOL... but in their underwear... NOT COOL... AND SCARY.
Chapter 4
Today I saw a cat in the street saw I ran to the police station and I told the officer, “Help! There is a dead cat in the middle of the street!” and then the officer Mr. Bass said “Hold on there. How do you know its dead?” And I told him “Because I peed in its ear and it didn’t move.” He said, “U DID WHAT?!” I REPLIED, “I unzipped my pants, went psst! And it didn’t move. It was just burning; I never knew human fluid was acid… oh well.” The officer got up and got the dead cat. Then he takes out a PORT-A-ROAST, which is a portable roaster, and roasts the cat and eats it. So now I’m like, “well, that solves the problem.” And he’s like “glad to help. Helping citizens and eating cats is you’re falsely, uh... I mean truly, Mr. Dum Bass!” So I laugh at the guys name and he’s like, “That’s not funny, my name is better than that guy!” He points at your favorite guy, I mean second I’m first, no one other than Ookalshikatubusimdafel. He was just sitting there eating a quesadilla and he looks up and is like, “hey. How’s it going: and I’m like “long time so see.” And I continue on my way.
Chapter 5
Some random guy just came up to me and gave me a hug. That guy smelled like hairy, sweaty, goat balls. Then out of nowhere all these girls are following me. I stop and turn around, and see hundreds of ladies and I’m like... I LIKE THIS! So I have nothing to do but say “ALL THE LADIES COME TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” I should have never said that considering they all left before I can blink. *blink* they’re gone. But only one of them stayed, it was Falishiqua, the fat and greasy stalker. I tell u man, that chick so greasy her use bacon as a band-aid. Then I told her, “Notice I said all the LADIES come to me… not all the men… YA HEARD ME?” and she’s like “Baby u know u want me!” and I’m like “Baby u know u DELUSIONAL!” And then I am gone and I just start running like a thorough-bred. I was gone. She starts chasing me to my house, I didn’t have my keys so I used to fire escape. Then she unlocks the door for me and I go to the dollar store and buy a sign that says, “Moving Faster Than A Fat Man Saying ‘Seconds?’ Please Buy My House... I’ll Even Put 200% Off… -5000 is the lowest I’ll go.” So I sold the house and I had to order a moving truck just so I can move... across the street.
Chapter 6
I broke my piggy bank and took out all 3 dollars in it. I went t the mall and bought some Earl-Farty(Ed-Hardy) and I bought some Cairo-postale(Aeropostale) I bought some Fallister(Hollister) and I bought some Gordans(Jordans) and I bought some False Religion(True Religion) and I was looking FRESH! All the ladies were checking me out… in a bad way. I think they made a chart for wanksters and my name was there and she put a check next to it.
Chapter 7
I promise my friend Dorine I would put her in my story so here she is. So I am walking lo the store and then I see Double D Dorine and she is just standing there. Then some guy walks buy her and she hits him with her chest area. She’s like, “That’s for being ugly!” Then some other guy walks by and she is like BAM! “That’s for having long hair.” Then William Hung from American Idol comes by and she is like BAM! “That’s for making me listen to your voice on American idol. You killed half of the American idol viewers with your voice. Why?! Why?! Why make us suffer like that?! Listening to you sings was like having hot lava in my ears... OH THE PAIN!” Then William Hung is like “She bang, she bang. Oh baby yes she boom she boom, she boom.” Then Double D Dorine is like BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! COUGH! BAM! BAM! SNEEZE! Bam! BAM! FART! “If I hear that song one more time… I swear to BOB… I will kill my self!” Just then a black SUV passes by and it’s like She Ban, She Bang. And everyone on the block is singing it… too bad they don’t know the words so they just say “la la la” Then like Dorine promised she is rolling on the floor like she is having a seizure.. then she dies because she stuck her head in her shirt and got lost, and suffocated. Then I saw Micah.
Chapter 8
I also told my friend Micah I would put him in the story. So Micah and this guy named Jay-Jay J. Jay is arguing with Micah and Jay-Jay says something to him and Micah is like, “But I get fresher than you.” They argue for ten minutes and all Micah said was, “But I get fresher than you.” Then Jay-Jay is like, “I have to go… my mom is picking me up to go see The Wiggles Live.” He shows some pictures from last year’s concert.
Then he leaves and hums The Wiggles theme song. Then I say, “Hey Micah.” And he’s like “But I get fresher than you.” And I’m like ok. And that was all that Micah Freshries says, “But I get fresher than you.” I told Britney Spears I would put her in the story but I couldn’t find the rehab she was in so sorry... so sorry. I also ordered Escargo and they gave me a movie of a car with an S on it... and I watched it go… he was FAST.
Chapter 9
I got a tattoo of a dolphin with wings, and Alfredo got a tattoo of a llama with the face of Michael Jackson… with wings. Then finally that fat chick was gone. I bought some baby carrots for 4 dollars and realized I can just get the grown-up carrots in my garden and get them while they are still young… baby carrots, so ghetto. Speaking of ghetto, this homeless woman has a baby and all day she is pushing it around in a shopping cart like a ghetto baby stroller. Also, today we were in the school bus and the bus driver was showing us about the emergency exit on the ceiling of the bus that reminded me of a ghetto sun-roof. I climbed out of it and almost go in trouble. The principal on the bus was like that is only for emergencies. And I’m like, “It is an emergency... that fat daughter of a gun is about to let on rip.” And the principal was like, “oh... that is an emergency.” Then he is running out the ghetto sun-roof like, “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” The bus blew up with the fat girl, and all of our school sandwiches. Luckily I had my sandwich in my pocket. So what the mayonnaise was bubbling and it had things that looked like raisins... with legs... that move… that made it crunchy. And like the Kool-Aid guy and the Chester Cheeto guy would say, “OH YEAH!” I also ordered Pigs in a Blanket and I got Pigs in a Quilt.
Chapter 10
This is the last chapter and I am going to sum it up for u guys.
Innocen Pierre: started a book 3
Alfredo: sued the TV dinner for making food called Chicken Alfredo
Stanley: watched a movie
Stan-Lee: broke his 14th leg
Michael Jackson: Met up with O.J. Simpson
Micah Freshries: Is now learning how to say, “I am fresher than you” instead of “But I’m get fresher than you.”
Ookalshikatubusimdafel: Shot his quesadilla with his toaster to toast it
Lance Lee: for letting me store my car in his big head
Tupac: working at the NJ Transit selling cardboard homes to hobos
Idiot Guy: took a microscope to the ocean to see some micro-waves.
Hobo in a Box: is hobo in a box
Person with 2 shoes: has 2 shoes
Double D Dorine: secretly bought William Hung’s album
Falishiqua: went to other side of world because she heard there was an All You Can Eat Buffet there.
Book 2: IS OVER
 xSHUTUP21K · Tue Aug 18, 2009 @ 07:24pm · 0 Comments |
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