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Mental Cesspool
All the little thoughts, problems, and concerns that I may be dealing with at any given time, spread out for the internet to see.
I have a friend I met online. Her name, for all intensive purposes, is the same as her username, since that's how I've always known her.
This girl has made me feel better about my drawing than anyone else. She sat and drank tea and watched me draw for her for 6 hours, and when I accidentally deleted the picture, not only did she smile and say I didn't have to re-draw it, since she already saw it, but she gave me another item from my wishlist when I did it anyway. This girl is awesome, and beautiful. And battling anorexia.

At least, she was last I spoke to her.

Now, not many people know it, but I have an eating disorder. I'll stop eating whenever I get upset or stressed, and I actually like the hunger pains and denying myself food. I enjoy it.

I guess she and I never really got to the "friend" status. She asked me to draw for her, I enjoyed doing so. We chatted a bit, I tried to spark a friendship since I liked her so much. I suppose it didn't work well; she's rather withdrawn. But when I found out she had anorexia, I was worried. Eating disorders are scary. I went four days without eating once, and enjoyed every second of it. It hurt to see how much it scared my boyfriend and friends when they realized what I'd been doing.

Well, this friend of mine just made a post in the forums. She's 5' 6", 180 lbs. And she says she needs a texting buddy. Someone to talk to and keep her on track by helping her count calories and share weight loss together. She wants to lose 30 pounds by December. Even 30 pounds in a year is a lot, and she wants to do it in three months.

I'm scared for her. And unfortunately, she doesn't really see me as much of a friend, so I can't really comfort her. There's something special about this girl, though. And I don't wanna see her hurt like that.

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