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It's funny, you know, I'm about to share my deep dark secrets with the world... but I won't even voice them aloud to myself... I don't know where to start... with the fact that my best friend doesn't know he's my best friend and I've been in love with him for 5 years? Or how about the fact that I resent my mom for things that happened in the past, yet I am willing to die for her because I know she is dying. What about my blaming myself for having no family left willing to even be a part of our lives? I've done so much in the past to screw my life up... and the lives of everyone around me. And nobody really knows the truth, about how I used to- and still do sometimes- want to die. About how I feel like I have no life ahead of me, nothing in store for the future. I feel like a freak... I know I'm a freak... but still, sometimes I wonder if ten years from now everything will be okay. Or if I'll still be here. The only thing that has kept me going so far is my siblings and my mom... but my mom is dying, my sister hates me, and I'll never see my brother again because he blames me for things like I blame my mom. My life is in ruins. It has been for some time. And it seems like everyone I care about is dying...