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I feel like I'm losing conrtol. I'm constantly unhappy, constantly scared. I just can't /deal/ anymore. I can not do it. I swear, sometimes, I'm losing my mind. I get in these... moods, I guess you could call them. My heart feels heavy, my body aches. I feel like nothing really matters. I get suicidal. I've tried everything to get out of them, to escape. Its like I'm sliding into a nightmare, one of those ones when you can't scream, or talk, or run, not matter what. The memories keep pulling at me, sucking me deeper. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I cant do it. I'm not strong enough. I have so many fears, and so little enjoyments. I'm beginning to wonder whether its really worth it or not. Life, I mean. All we do is repeat ourselves, over and over. We get up, go to school/work, come home, sleep, and do it all again. Whats the ******** point? I don't see why I'm here. I lost my faith a long time ago. One of my friend is very religious, and she keeps saying God has a plan for you". If god has a plan for me, why did he force me through everything? Why did I have to go through all that pain? Why do I continue to suffer? If he really loved me, he'd take my pain away.

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